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The College Football Guys are back to knock a little dust and rust off our voices and help cure your football hangover.
This month's edition includes talk on: the coaches decision to make their votes private after 2009, SEC mandates a maximum 28 scholarship offers, PAC Ten is making half the money the Big Ten is making, Phil Steele's Bible is out and would you like to be buried next to your favorite college football stadium?
Oklahoma's destruction of Texas Tech on Saturday didn't help the College Football Guys figure out the best team in the Big-12 South, or the country, for that matter. However we did learn something this week and we feel that it is our duty to pass the knowledge on to you.
FSN's national broadcast of the Apple Cup, a battle of two teams with a combined 1-20 record, confirmed what your local news already knows - Americans LOVE train wrecks!
NBC knows this too! That's why they continue to renew their TV contract with Notre Dame. What is still unknown is which Notre Dame contract will last longer - Charlie's or NBC's?
Even though San Diego State fired head coach Chuck Long, his words from the beginning of the year may have served as prophesy. Wisconsin, playing at home, on Senior Day, needed a missed extra point attempt to beat Cal-Poly in OT, 36-35. This begs the question, "Is Cal-Poly better than Notre Dame?"
This weekend we figured out how the ACC should crown their champion.
1. Write the name of each program mathematically alive for an ACC division title on separate pieces of paper. 2. Fold them up and place them in a hat. 3. Have Doug Flutie draw a single piece of paper out. 4. The name of the program revealed will represent the ACC in a BCS game. No need for an ACC championship. It would muddy the water further and it doesn't make money anyway. 5. Then it is up to the chosen program to beg for mercy from the BCS bowl selection committee to be match against the Big East champ. This will be the ONLY way to prevent the ACC from losing another BCS game (1-9 since the BCS was created).
Not even the meteorologist in Mike Leach could predict the storm that hit the Red Raiders in Norman.
Did you know Joe Pa is getting hip replacement? Didn't know if you knew since it was only mentioned 412 times before, during, and after the Penn State/Michigan State game.
Minnesota showed us that the only way to close a stadium is the "Golden Gopher Way." After starting the season 7-1, Minnesota has dropped their last four games. Three of which were played in the Metrodome. A stadium that will no longer be the home of the mighty Golden Gophers as they move into their new digs on campus in '09. Iowa's 55-0 victory in Minneapolis, on Saturday was a COLD reminder of the team Gopher fans want to leave behind as fast as the empty Metrodome.
Andrew Aguila, kicker for the CMU Chippewas, is really Inigo Montoya. All six fingered men should be on high alert!
It is official, with a 2/OT loss to the Washington State Cougars, the Washington Huskies became the WORST 2008 team in NCAA Division I-A (FBS) football!
Speaking of NCAA worsts: Another week, another terrible uniform in college football. Vegas Gold? Can anyone tell us why?
ESPN released this week, its "Outside the Lines" report on Penn State's criminal issues the past couple years.
Every day there is a new report of football player's getting in trouble.
All of these issues has caused us to ask, "If we were wardens for a state prison system, or a football coach with low morals at a division III program, what is the best team we could build with 2008's suspended/dismissed players?" So that brings us to The College Football Guys', First Annual, Preseason All-Jackass Team.
Offense
QB Ryan Perrilloux - LSU. This was an obvious choice. Destined to be the athletic QB to take the helm of the defending champs only to throw it all away with academic issues, numerous accusations, giving Les no choice but to say goodbye. Dismissed and transferred to Jacksonville State
RB Brandon Ore - Virginia Tech. This star runningback's poor attitude was deemed detrimental to the team by coach Beamer. I guess he finally got tired of suspending him for just one quarter or half a game. Why not just go for it all? Dismissed from program.
RB Lance Smith - Wisconsin. Had the chance this year to compete as PJ Hill's backup and plenty of playing time. Now attending court hearings. Suspended off and on last year. Failed certain requirements of the first offender program for assaulting his girlfriend; suspended indefinitely just last week.
WR Preston Parker - FSU. Because many athletes on the Tallahassee campus enjoy cheating on tests Parker is not the only player missing early season contests. Called by many the most talented player on the Seminole roster, Parker was charged with a misdemeanor for carrying a concealed weapon and marijuana. Suspended for the team's first two games.
KR/WR Harold Howell - Minnesota. Promising 2007 recruit that played in 10 games last year, averaging 23.1 yards per kick return. Harold violated academic and team guidelines; dismissed from team.
OG Andy Christensen - Nebraska. Three game starter in '07 before season ending injury. Thought it would be OK to reach up a woman's dress at a local bar. Sexual assault charges have been filed against him. Maybe he should have taken this test The College Football Guys learned of earlier this year. Might have kept him out of trouble... Suspended indefinitely.
OT Michael Brown - Mississippi State. The Bulldogs best returning offensive lineman, starting 18 of the 19 games since being eligible, after transferring from Florida. Possible NFL prospect who was pictured on MSU's spring training, media guide. Brown and teammate Quinton Wesley were involved in an altercation that began off campus, but ended up with them firing guns in the air around the dorms. Charge and convicted of felony possession of a handgun and aggravated assault. Dismissed from team.
Defense - Where all the crazies play!
DE Michael Lemon - UGA. Played in 8 games for UGA last year as a sophomore. Planned to have a greater role with the defense this year until he punched a fellow student. Well actually punched him over 5 times, in the eye. Enough to give him a blowout fracture. All resulting from an altercation at a summer BBQ in an off campus apartment complex. Dismissed from team.
DT Justin Francis - Rutgers. Robbed a man for his cell phone in a university parking lot and then threatened student with an air pistol. "You'll shot your eye out!" Suspended indefinitely.
CB Jerrard Tarrant - Georgia Tech. Highly touted recruit out of Georgia and expected to start as a red shirt frosh this year. Charged for an on campus rape. Dismissed from team.
LB Jimmy Johns - Alabama. Though not as famous as the sandwich shop that carries the same name, Jimmy is one of many off the field issues at Alabama this off season. Arrested on 5 felony drug distribution charges and a 6th for possession when cocaine and ecstasy was found at his home. Allegedly breeding pit bulls to sell and possibly fight. This web site, www.jimmyjohnspitbulls.com is as popular now as "Bad Newz Kennels." Dismissed from team.
LB Kevin Garrett - Oregon. Penciled in as the Duck's starting weak side linebacker, Kevin was pulled over and cited for the following; failure to obey a traffic control device, making an improper right turn, driving with a suspended license, driving uninsured and failure to carry registration. Officers then found open containers of alcohol in vehicle and cited the 19 year old for minor in possession and a DUI. Suspended indefinitely for violation of team rules.
S De Andre McDaniel - Clemson. Accused of assaulting his girlfriend by throwing her down a flight of stairs and attempting to choke her with a comforter. The accuser is not backing down. Appears he too should have taken our little test. His status for August 30th's season opener against Alabama is still up in the air.
S Brett Lockett - UCLA. This article wouldn't be complete without a mention of a "Slick Rick" player. Lockett is the Bruins starting safty and has been suspended from the team for at least their Sept 1st season opener against Tennesse. Violations of team policy regarding academics.
Dishonorable Mention
S Xavier Hicks - Washington State. Pulled over by police and cited for driving on a suspended license on his way home from spending 45 days in jail. Had just concluded his sentence for stealing a debit card and putting rubbing alcohol in his roommate's contact-lens case. Suspended for the first three games of the season.
WR Marques Wade - Arkansas. Marques' arrest for drunk driving marked the 5th arrest by an Arkansas player this off season, however the events leading up to this arrest may have been the most entertaining. Marques sped through a parking lot, slid through a turn and nearly hit another police car. The report doesn't say what type of car he was driving, but this college football guy isn't ruling out the possibility of an orange, 1969 Dodge Charger. He will be suspended for the first two games of the season.
Did we miss anyone? Let us know. There were MANY to choose from.
What do all these things have in common? They are the things that come to mind when we think of the Midwest. Oh and one more thing...cold winters and lots of beer.
The no-nonsense, smash mouth mentality of the blue color Midwest (or west if you ask the "Champions of the West") is reflected in its football and the way one wets his whistle. Without further a due here is a helping hand on recognizing the correlation between Big Ten teams and beverage they love so much, beer.
Ohio State - Bud Light. Mass produced, standard bearer which all compare themselves too. Not for the mature pallet. Those outside of region think that the product is watered down.
Michigan - Miller Lite. Claims to be better tasting with less calories and more sophistication (its "L-I-T-E" beer) than its rival, yet still gets beaten up by the standard bearer.
Wisconsin - Heileman's Old Style. An unassuming brew that just wants to run the ball, have a quick game and get back to State Street to party some more.
Michigan State - Coors Light. Dreams of being Michigan and Ohio State. No matter how much money they throw at it, or how many leagues they are the official sponsor of, they still can't get there.
Penn State - Rolling Rock. Hugely popular on the east coast. No one really knows why, nor does anyone outside the Poconos understand the significance of "33" or a "nittany." Pale in color and prefers plain uni's and large fraternity parties.
Iowa - Natural Light. Thinks its as good as the "big boys." This thinking is evident in the way it pays its head coach. Good cheap beer, and with the right keg cap can be pawned off as Bud Light.
Northwestern - Elsinore Beer. One program might want to give their "cat" a beer or two. May produce some victories... Funny movie, funny program. Neither care about football.
Illinois - Miller High Life. The Champaign of Beers. Alright that was a horrible pun, but this is the program that brought the Champagne of QB's into the NFL. Where is Jeff George now? I hear the Raiders still have a need.
Indiana - Guinness. A popular dry stout that gets you through the cold, dark, dirty, basketball season. Oh this is a football article? Who cares! Definitely no one in Bloomington.
Minnesota - An Empty Beer Mug Full of Tears. Why did Lou Holtz leave us! Boho..wah! MOMMY! MAKE HIM COME BACK!!
Purdue - Cask Ale. Much like a Boilermaker any one born after 1900 has NO idea what the heck you are talking about! A brew that requires a trained craftsman as well as much thought and engineering. Making a small comeback to the national scene.
The preseason all-everything teams are out.
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