Worst SEC Uniform of the Week!

Note to SEC schools: Leave the crazy uniform choices to Oregon, the ACC (all purple Clemson excluded) and the Big East. Keep relying on tradition, gameday experience and crazy fans to sell tickets and generate excitement.

It was apparent from this weekend's games that you know nothing about fashion. Though anyone who lives north of the Mason Dixon and knows what a seersucker suit is could have told you that already.

Gifts for Everyone!

The holidays are here and with it brings goodwill, gifts, and well wishes! With this in mind we here at the College Football Guys wish to give a load of gifts away this season.

We extend the following gifts and wishes to these college football programs.

Texas and freshman safety Blake Gideon - A second chance at an interception that would have ended the "Miracle in Lubbock" and given the 'Horns a January trip to Miami over Glendale.

Miami of Ohio - Mike Haywood without his great offensive play calling skills.

Arizona Wildcat Fans- The three year extension you just gave Mike Stoops back. Trust us you will want it back after next year. Seems Wildcat fans have forgotten this Stoops isn't Bob.

USC and Pete Carroll - Independence from the Pac Ten. As an independent the Trojans would enjoy a schedule without 0-12 Washington and 2-10 WAZZU.

The State of Washington - A victory against a FBS school located outside the borders of the Evergreen State.

Ohio State - A BCS game against a team outside of the SEC. Done! Maybe you won't have to change the locker room combination this year.

Auburn - Like the sibling that can't compete for his parent's affection our gift to the Tigers is self confidence, not a new coach. Just because your brother isn't sick anymore and is starting to beat you up again doesn't mean you suck! Just means you were never as good as him.

Michigan - A historic season. Wait that WAS 2008! OK, how about a Sheraton Hawaii Bowl invitation for '09 and a QB that can run the spread option.

Baylor - A transfer from the Big 12 South to the Big 12 North. The Bears will shine with freshman QB Robert Griffin but not as brightly as they would playing the foes in the Big 12's northland.

Texas A&M - A formation that allows an eligible 12th man. Maybe they can sneak one in on the Piedmont A 11 offense.



Arizona State - An offensive line that can protect a QB and the ability to win ANY big game. Littl' Elway better have pop's legs.

Indiana - A 2009 schedule packed full of Northwestern and FCS programs.

UCLA and Rick Neuheisel - About 14, 15, maybe 16 less interceptions from a starting quarterback.

Vanderbilt - Knowledge that the season is 12 games long, not six. Season ending losses to Miss. State, Tennessee, and Duke left a gash on a great start to the season.

Kansas State - A spring recruiting class full of freshmen. Ron Prince's experiment to sign 19 JC transfers this year reeked of desperation and didn't turn out so well.

West Virginia - 4 more years of Pat White.

Notre Dame - A victory in a bowl for the first time since 1993.

Merry Christmas to all...


...and to the Irish a good night.

What We Learned Week Nine

We learned a great deal about college football this weekend so without further ado here are our findings.

This week Tim Tebow gave his full endorsement of Colt McCoy for the Heisman trophy. Which raises the obvious question, "If Superman wears Tim Tebow Pajama's to bed, does Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy PJ's to bed?" Next task: finding Colt a cape.


Seems No. 1 Texas vs. No. 6 Oklahoma State was only good enough for regional coverage. Nice work ABC/ESPN. The whole west coast enjoyed the thrilling UCLA/Cal game. Can't get enough of that Rick Neuheisel...

For those who were lucky enough to get the top ten match up, you missed the first quarter trying to adjust your TV screen. Even with the new HD TV's it is still hard to translate THAT much orange!


While Georgia piled 52 on LSU, the Bayou Bengals realized how much they REALLY missed their 12th man this weekend.

Vanderbilt's Cinderella season officially came to an end with a 10-7 loss to Duke. The loss combined with Auburn's embarrassing effort at WVU, on Thursday night, gives the SEC a 5-6 record against non-conference BCS schools with 4 match ups remaining. In case you were wondering, the Mountain West is 8-5 vs. non-conference BCS programs.

Went to watch the Ohio State/Penn State game this weekend and a SEC game broke out.

ESPN's College Gameday once again brought us crazy Buckeye fans. Apparently Ohio State's new mantra is "If you can't beat 'em, Boo 'em," as a chorus of boos filled the air every time LSU, Florida, or USC were mentioned on the program. We here at The College Football Guys did a little research and discovered three embarrassing losses by the Buckeyes to these particular programs in the last three years. We were given this advise once and thought we would pass it on to Buckeye fans, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt." Just food for thought.

Scholarships for college kickers are overrated. Matt Williams was a normal college kid when he started school this year, but that was before the Red Raiders played the mighty Minutemen of U Mass. During halftime of that game Matt hit a 30 yard field goal for a year of free rent. Mike Leach was in need of a kicker and thought to himself, "I wonder if this kid likes pirates?" Four weeks later Matt connected on 9 of 9 extra point attempts against Kansas. We will soon see if the kid can do it in a clutch.

June Jones brought the "Run and Shoot" to SMU. Unfortunately for the Mustangs all Navy needed was the run. Navy ran the ball 77 times for 404 yards without even attempting a pass for a 34-7 victory! The Midshipman's quarterback carried the ball 41 times for 224 yards and four touchdowns. We are still trying to calculate his QB rating. Georgia Tech coach Paul Johnson is soo jealous.

If you think the BCS is confusing try figuring out the ACC. Maybe instead of a championship game that they can't sell out, the ACC should implement an 8 team playoff. Maybe it will be the model for a real playoff.

Just when we thought Oregon had exhausted their ability to look ugly they found this combination from their 384 possible uniform choices. And you thought your girlfriend had a lot of clothes.

Week Seven Podcast for TCFGs

Here we are! Week seven of the college football season and another podcast for your enjoyment!

In the spirit of election day, we debate which game was more exciting this weekend, Wisconsin/Ohio State or Vandy/Auburn. Also on the show we discuss UNC's rise to prominence in the ACC, Kansas' 35 point second half comeback, Pitt's upset of USF, and a top ten list from Ball State's own David Letterman.

Included is a preview of a couple huge Big 12 games, OU/Texas and Oklahoma State/Missouri and an SEC battle between Florida and LSU.

Just click here. Press PLAY and enjoy!

Week Six Podcast for TCFGs

We know it is a day late, but you will still love it! Our Week Six podcast is here! (Just click the link and press play.)

Join us as we discuss the making of an upset. Why is it that even when higher ranked teams see an upset Thursday night, on national TV, they STILL fall prey to being the victim?

What else happened this weekend that might have been overshadowed by all the upset talk? Plus each co-host unveils their top 10 for the first time this season.

If you have followed our podcast you know that we have been tracking the rivalry games played this year. This week is no exception, however when we noticed it was Miami/FSU week, we saw there is NO nickname for the storied matchup! After you listen and hear our thoughts on suggested nicknames for the big game help us choose which one you think is best suited.
Don't like the ones we chose? You know what to do. Comment below for the world to see!

Week Five for TCFGs

Time for some southern cookin' on The College Football Guys!

Listen to this week's podcast as we talk about SEC football. What is up with the Pac Ten this year? Who is this weekend's favorite to be a BCS Buster? A look ahead to Alabama/Georgia. Who's going to win this year's "Friends of Coal Bowl?"

More importantly we play our most favorite game "Real or Silicon?"

This and SO much more!

Just click here. Press play and Enjoy!

What We Learned Week Two

What The College Football Guys learned after weekend number two in college football.

..."Point of Emphasis" is a really neat and sophisticated term, until you hear it for the 326th time. After that we want to say, "Don't have a cow, Man!"

...Is Vanderbilt's victory over South Carolina really considered an upset when we already know the Gamecock's coach and team is overrated?

...Why is it such a big deal that "The Chosen One" went on missionary trips in the off season? Over 75% of BYU players have been on two year missions. Impress us Tim and get married! 35 Cougs are hitched.

...Mike Leach must be really jealous of Skip Holt's Purple and Gold Pirates.



...The Buckeyes still are number one in the country at playing down to the level of their opponents.

...Bon Jovi plays quarterback for the Fightin' Irish. Jimmy Clausen, bringing back the 80's one bad haircut at a time.

...San Diego State Coach Chuck Long is not sure if Notre Dame is better than Division I-AA Cal-Poly.



...U Conn's 12-9 OT victory over Bill Cosby's Temple Owls gave the Big East their FIRST victory over a Division I-A program. The "Big Easy" will have to wait and see if Thursday brings their first victory vs. a BCS conference opponent.

...Instead of having his mind on the game against the mighty Blue Raiders of Middle Tennessee, Ralph Friedgen was thinking about the case of Blue Label Coors he had waiting for him in his "fridge." With Cal coming to town this next weekend, it's CODE BLUE time Turtle fans!



...Congress and the President need to order a "troop surge" for the US Military Academy. Please just send only the ones that have ANY knowledge of the game of football.

...Miami kickers wear the purrtiest green little slippers. So SHINY! They look soo good with black dress socks!


...We like Florida State's version of those terrible Go Gator Nation commercials. (Not for children's eyes)



...When the NCAA discovers how much fun we have on this blog and podcast, they will issue us an "Excessive Celebration" penalty.

Because I Got High!

As you probably already know by now, police found a small amount of the Magical Weed in a Penn State area apartment after responding to a noise complaint on Tuesday night. Though no charges have currently been filed, mysteriously one player has been kicked off the team and three other players have been suspended for this weekend's game vs. Oregon State.

Reminds us of a song we once thought was pretty funny. Be careful though if you play this one too loud you might have police at your front door responding to the noise complaint filed by your 75 year old neighbor.



I was going to write a clever blog, until I got high.
I was going to bash all the Nittany Lions, but then I got high.
This is the best I could do, and I know why!

Why?

Because I got High!
Because I got High!
Because I got High!

I was going to make fun of ESPN, before I got high.
Was going to tell the world about overrated Joe Pa, but I got high!
Now the world still thinks the man is a media genius, and I know why!

Why?

Because I got High!
Because I got High!
Because I got High!

I was going to make fun of Spurrier's Cocks, before I got high!
Going to cheer on the mighty Commodores, but then I got high!
There is no Smelley Cock joke on this blog, and I know why!

Why?

Because I got High!
Because I got High!
Because I got High!

I am going to stop writing this entry, because I'm high.
I am destroying this whole damn blog, because I'm high!
If I get suspended for a week, You'll know why!

Why?

Because I'm high!
Because I'm high!
Because I'm high...!

The Media Circus is Here!

It is almost that time again! Time to suit it up and start practices across the country and work to get ready for Labor Day Weekend's opening games! But first coaches and players must suffer through media day.

On our podcast and on this blog we try to point out some interesting and humorous differences between the North, South and West and no where is this more evident than in how these regions treat their college football media day(s). Let us take a look at these schedules and see if you can tell the difference.

PAC TEN Media Day - Thursday, July 24th Los Angeles, CA

9:35 am - Tyrone Willingham/QB Jake Locker - Washington
9:50 am - Jim Harbaugh/C Alex Fletcher - Stanford
10:05 am - Paul Wulff/FL Brandon Gibson - Washington State
10:20 am - Jeff Tedford/C Alex Mack - California
10:35 am - Mike Stoops/QB Willie Tuitama - Arizona
10:50 am - Mike Bellotti/DB Patrick Chung - Oregon
11:05 am - Break(Oh good! I thought we were going to go straight through! These 15 minute segments are TOO much!)
11:15 am - Rick Neuheisel/DT Brigham Harwell - UCLA
11:30 am - Mike Riley/DB Brandon Hughes - Oregon State
11:45 am - Dennis Erickson/QB Rudy Carpenter - Arizona State
12:00 noon - Pete Carroll/LB Brian Cushing - USC

12:15 pm - "Sushi for lunch anyone?" I hear there is a great place in Burbank!
1:08 pm - Surf's up Brah! See you on the field in September!

BIG TEN Media Day - Thursday, July 24th, Chicago, IL

11:30 a.m. – Ron Zook (Illinois)
11:45 a.m. – Pat Fitzgerald (Northwestern)
Noon – Bret Bielema (Wisconsin)
12:15 p.m. – Joe Tiller (Purdue)

What no break?! Oh wait it's almost time to ask Jim when Ohio State is going to beat an SEC team...

12:30 p.m. – Jim Tressel (Ohio State)
12:45 p.m. – Bill Lynch (Indiana)
1:30 p.m. – Mark Dantonio (Michigan State)
1:45 p.m. – Tim Brewster (Minnesota)
2 p.m. – Joe Paterno (Penn State)
2:15 p.m. – Kirk Ferentz (Iowa)
2:30 p.m. – Rich Rodriguez (Michigan)
3 p.m. – James E. Delany (Big Ten)

3:15pm - If we hurry we might be able to catch the end of the Cubs game!

SEC Media Days July 23rd to 25th Birmingham, AL

Wednesday
1:10 - 3:10 pm - Urban Meyer, QB Tim Tebow, OT Phil Trautwein - Florida
1:10 - 3:10 pm - Sylvester Croom, QB Wesley Carroll, LB Jamar Chaney - MSU
3:10 - 5:10 pm - Les Miles, C Brett Helms, DE Tyson Jackson - LSU
3:10 - 5:10 pm - Bobby Johnson, S Reshard Langford, WR George Smith - Vandy

5:10 pm - Break until tomorrow morning. BBQ Ribs, fried mashed potatoes, fried okra (have to eat those veggies!), cornbread for dinner. Fried Twinkies for desert. Kentucky Bourbon to wash it all down.

Thursday
7:30 am - Huddle Hut for breakfast. Fried chicken and waffles, one pound bacon, pint of syrup, and 2 liters of coffee.

8:40 - 10:40 am - Mark Richt, WR M. Massaquoi, DT Jeff Owens - Georgia
8:40 - 10:40 am - Nick Saban, OL Antoine Caldwell, S Rashad Johnson - Alabama

Short recess - Use this time to take a Purell bath.

10:40 am - 12:30 pm - Phillip Fulmer, RB Arian Foster, DE Robert Ayers - Tennessee
10:40 am - 12:30 pm - Houston Nutt, DT Peria Jerry, OT Michael Oher - Ole' Miss

12:45 pm - Houston Nutt private interview with Donna Bragg of KHOG News Channel 40/29, Fayetteville, AR.

12:45 pm - BBQ pork & coleslaw sandwich, served on buttered "Texas" Toast.

1:45 pm -4:35 pm - Sleep. What else is there to do in the metropolis of Birmingham, AL?

5:30pm - 8:30pm - BBQ ribs, cornbread....rinse and repeat.

Friday
7:30 am - Waffle House breakfast. Two "Awful Waffles," Hash browns scattered, smothered, and covered.

8:40 - 10:40 am - Tommy Tuberville, C Jason Bosley, DE Sen'derrick Marks - Auburn
8:40 - 10:40 am - Rich Brooks, DE Jeremy Jarmon, WR Dicky Lyons, Jr. - Kentucky
10:40 am - 12:30 pm - Bobby Petrino, LB Elston Forte, C Jonathan Luigs - Arkansas

12:25 pm - Bobby is scheduled to end his press conference with a "Hog Call."

10:40 am - Whenever pm - Steve Spurrier, LB Jasper Brinkley, WR Kenny McKinley - South Carolina

Who are we kidding? This is the highlight of the days. What crazy thing will Spurrier say next?

BIG 12 Media Days - July 23rd-25th Kansas City.

If you think SEC Media Days are crazy, check this out!

The SEC as Liquor

Good looking women. Hot muggy summers. Southern hospitality. Sweet tea. Coke. Rebel attitude.

The south has provided all this and more to the American public. However the most important is the south's love of Spirits.

NASCAR, an entire sports industry, was built around a southern moonshiner's ability to outrun the authorities. It is the efforts of these brave men that saved America the liquid we all enjoy. Liquor is important stuff to these folks. Therefore it makes perfect sense that we compare their teams to the hooch we love so much.

Tennessee - Wild Turkey. Just as the clothes worn to the game, both can be used on your next hunting trip. No need to repack that 4X4. Just whistle for Smokey the hound, and go.

Vanderbilt - Jack Daniels Single Barrel. Not a bourbon, not an Admiral, not Ivy League, and definitely not Woodford's Reserve, but acts like it is.

Kentucky - Maker's Mark. Good solid bourbon that is content to be second best on its own campus. Enjoys a more laid back approach to life.

South Carolina - Old Crow. Mixed with sweetener makes a poor man's mint julep. Straight up it is too hard and abrasive(like a drink from a fire hydrant). The added flavor makes it more soft and subtle like the football team. Enjoys riding the coattails of the once successful.

LSU - Everclear aka Ethanol. No matter how popular and trendy they have become in recent years, when you break it all down it still just moonshine. James Carville is their biggest fan. Makes "drinking the Kool-Aid" that much easier.

Alabama - Patron. New spin on an old classic. Drinking it will make you feel like Superman and repress bad memories of the recent past. At the bottom of it all is still a big ol' worm.

Auburn - Jose Quervo Tradicional. Another case of mistaken identity. Inferior complex to 'Bama Nation. Popular in its own region, but never going to be as hip and recognizable as Patron no matter how many times in a row they beat 'em.

Florida - Grey Goose. Not the old Russian standard. This program and liquid is young, hip, good looking, and successful. "A liquor as pure and clean as the heart of Tim Tebow!"

Georgia - Smirnoff. Traditional program that is trying hard to be as young and hip as their rival. Mark Richt and Red Bull have given them wings.

Arkansas - Moonshine. Drinking it will make you crazy enough to drive your head coach right out of town. May also induce involuntary seizures that make you perform a hideous noise affectionately known as "The Hog Call."

Ol' Miss - Absolut CITRON. When paired with cranberry juice makes a fancy and pretty Cosmo for the fancy and pretty women in "The Grove." Take a taste of it on the field and you will experience how horrible it really is. Coach Nutt has no McFadden in the Oxford stable to make it taste any better.

Mississippi State - Malt Liquor. Believe they are the real thing. Drinking too much makes everything sound better with cow bells. Bottom of the barrel until late in the night or season then it’s palatable. "We need more COW BELL!"


Need to see the whole skit? Here you go.