What We Learned Week Fourteen

While the College Football Guys may not have figured out if the BCS got the Big 12 South tie breaker right (find out what we think in this week's podcast tonight!). We still learned an awful lot this weekend in college football. Below is just a sample.

It is no wonder the Big 12 conference is getting so much love this year. Watching the end of a Big 12 game is like watching the end of a March Madness game. Both Kansas/Missouri and Nebraska/Colorado games were decided in the final minute. Kansas with a play from Todd Reesing that would make Flutie proud and Nebraska with a 57 yard field goal! One can only hope the Dr. Pepper Big 12 Championship Game brings as much excitement.



How fast has the luster faded from the MIGHTY SEC? With a victory over rival FSU, Florida avoided an Almost College football Conference weekend sweep of the SEC. South Carolina, Georgia and the former darlings of Vanderbilt each lost their regular season finales. Their defeats brought the SEC's record to 6-10 vs. BCS programs this year and 4-6 vs. the ACC. Before Florida's victory on Saturday night the last BCS program the SEC defeated was at Arizona State on September 20th! Since that game the SEC has lost to Texas, Wake (twice), West Virginia, Duke, Georgia Tech, Clemson as well as non-BCS "powerhouse" Wyoming.

Notre Dame found out Saturday night who the true five star athletes are. USC's dominance of the Irish was not defined enough in the 38-3 score. The true stat is the 91 yards of total offense the Trojans held ND to. The Irish could muster only 9 yards in the first half and achieved their first, first down on the last play of the third quarter. NO ONE can argue that recruiting web sites and magazines have been inflating Notre Dame classes for years in an attempt to sell subscriptions and memberships. There isn't a single player on ND's roster that would start for USC.

The "Mad Hatter," Les Miles at LSU, was out "Hatted" this weekend by Arkansas. Razorback QB Casey Dicks threw a 24 yard TD pass with 22 seconds remaining to win the game for the Hogs. It is safe to say that the luck, er "great calls," of 2007 just weren't there for the Tigers in 2008.

Who says that Houston Nutt is the only "Right Reverend" in the SEC? Georgia coach Mark Richt sure looked like he was doing plenty of preaching on Saturday when he made his teamtake a knee and gather 'round after the third quarter. We all know the only reason teams go into the locker room at halftime is so the band can use the field.

Rick Neuheisel will start winning at UCLA when he finds a QB that throws more touchdowns to players in powder blue and gold than the opposition. Arizona State returned three Kevin Craft interceptions for touchdowns on Friday night (Craft's 17th, 18th, and 19th INT for the year to 7 TD's). Add the 71 yard fumble return for a touchdown you have an NCAA record for four defensive scores in one game. Remove the mistakes? UCLA wins 9-6.

Several uniform issues that came up this weekend. Since when did it become popular for kickers to color coordinate their shoes with their uniforms? Just goes to show that flipping through Eastbay catalogs takes up a majority of a kicker's practice/film study time. We wonder if these kickers ever get jealous of their girlfriends' shoe collection.




Seems that University of Missouri/Columbia researcher, David Brunsma findings were true in "that student uniforms have no direct effect on substance use, behavioral problems, or attendance." While he was talking about uniforms in the classroom of K-12 students he could have easily done his research on the results of college football programs wearing alternative uniforms. Especially ones that are piss yellow.

What We Learned Week Twelve

While it was a relatively quiet weekend of college football, we here at The College Football Guys still learned some things about the sport. Now we would like to pass that knowledge on to you!

We now know that one of Phil Knight's cars must be a classy '78 Firebird. That is the only explanation we will accept for these Duck uniforms. Oregon you make this blog too easy for us.

Michigan fans, Relax! Just because you have lost 8 games for the first time in program history doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Lots of football power houses have lost eight games in a season. Washington, Texas A&M, Notre Dame, SMU, have and look how far they have come from the depths of defeat...

Colorado fans thought they were at a WWE match this weekend, as someone thought it would be cool to bring a laser pointer to the game and actually use it. I think Buff fans thought they were playing Tech this weekend.

Every weekend Notre Dame wins, they are "turning the corner" in the minds of the pundits and fans. Every weekend the Irish lose, it is "the end of the world! Charlie should be fired!" Make up your minds people!

Though not as thrilling as last year, the USC/Stanford game still came with a quirky ending. Down 45-17, Jim Harbaugh decided to use the last play of the game to kick a field goal. Seeing this USC coach, Pete Carrol called a time out to "ice the kicker." After the break Harbaugh trotted the offense back on to the field and Cardinal QB Alex Loukas threw an 18 yard touchdown pass to make the final score 45-23. The spread for the game just happened to be 23 points. Do you think someone might have reminded Jim that there are plenty of Stanford boosters and alumni that had Stanford to cover?

College TV announcers still don't know the difference between college and NFL replay rules! NCAA coaches have no red "hankies" to throw at officials. All reviews come from the replay booth, regardless if it is the last or the first two minutes of the game. Announcers, if you need to study up, here is a guide that might help.

If you look in the dictionary under jerk most SEC fans will tell you that Steve Spurrier's face is the only entry the book needs. It must be extremely gratifying for those same fans to watch Spurrier, the inventor of "style points," receive the largest beat down of his career this weekend. The defeat came at the hands of none other than his alma mater and the program responsible for his reputation. Look on the bright side Steve, plenty of golf courses have great winter rates right now!

If you paid any attention to college football this weekend you learned of a great story of Florida State's Myron Rolle and his attempt to win a Rhodes Scholarship. FSU and the NCAA have worked out a way for Rolle to attend the interview and play against Maryland on Nov. 22nd. Congrats to both for figuring this out, now it's time to come up with your best interview questions to ask Rolle.

Here is ours: "It has been said that a man's reputation is formed by the company he keeps. Explain to the committee how a brilliant man like yourself justifies playing on a team that has widespread academic fraud and teammates that recently thought it was acceptable to beat up students in the school cafeteria?"

Myron Rolle reminds us of this old Sesame Street skit:



Oregon wasn't the only ones that had some ugly black uniforms this weekend. FSU had their own ugly black uni's as well. BTW, Florida State, blackouts are only cool if black is one of your official school colors and Oregon next time you try a blackout let your fans know that they need to wear black as well.

Warning! Trap Ahead!

It is that time of year again! The time when one's favorite college football team should be overly careful avoiding a well laid trap.

What kind of trap you ask? The kind that jumps right out and kills you while you are looking ahead to next week's "bigger and better" opponent. You know like how the Emperor lured Luke's friends into a carefully thought out trap in Return of the Jedi.

Ever wonder how that sequence would have turned out if it was in other movies...?



As we saw last week when 19, 20, and 21 year olds are told they are the greatest thing since sliced bread they tend to believe it. Once they believe it the trap is half set, all that is missing is a road game verse an "inferior" opponent and a game the kids can't wait to play around the corner.

With these thoughts in mind here are some possible trap games to look for this weekend.

Penn State @ Purdue - First off we need to know if Joe Pa has even seen the Star Wars series. We believe that 1977 (the year Episode III came out) was the same year Paterno purchased the glasses he wears today. Anyway lets get to the game! After beating up on their first quality opponent of the year, Illinois, on national television, the spot light is back on in State College. This weekend they travel to a Big Ten team with a great quarterback and wounded pride from a loss to Notre Dame. With a match up at Wisconsin looming for the Lions they should be careful they don't overlook the Boilermakers early Saturday.

Texas @ Colorado - This is the first trip outside of the state of Texas for the Longhorns this year. Colt McCoy and the UT offense have been unstoppable so far this season. However with the Red River Shootout next weekend in Dallas, don't be surprised if the Buffs give Texas fits. Let us not forget what happened last year when Oklahoma visited Boulder the weekend before Red River.



Missouri @ Nebraska - Missouri is probably not looking ahead to Okie State next weekend, but don't be too surprised if they aren't thinking about playing in Austin on the 18th. Chase Daniel will find it hard to focus the next two weeks as he finally gets the chance to go home to Texas and show everyone what they have missed. Not only is this Missouri's first conference game, it is also their first true road game. The Tigers have lost 15 straight in Lincoln and need to make sure that streak stops this weekend, or else it is bye, bye title hopes!

What We Learned Week Four

Here is what The College Football Guys learned in week four of college football.

Thursday night confirmed what we knew all along, long time assistants don't make good head coaches. Coach Luther Van Damn made a great assistant to Hayden Fox at Minnesota State, but imagine him with the head post of the "Screaming Eagles." Wait, you don't even have to imagine, it unveiled itself Thursday night in Boulder. Some one might want to ask Mr. Heat Miser what he was thinking when he gave good ol' boy Stewart a six year contract extension after only 2 victories...

Skip Holtz's phone stopped ringing with job offers from other schools at precisely 3:17pm EST on Saturday. The same time the final whistle blew in Raleigh. He might coach a team in purple and gold, but he doesn't have the athletes to back up gutsy calls like Les Miles does. If they'd kicked the field goal on 4th and goal from the one, instead of going for the touchdown, ECU would still be up by three, be a BCS contender and a have a busy secretary.

Wake Forest players must have bet the under as they tried SO hard to make sure their game with Florida State didn't get out of hand. We're guessing they read our blog about how entertaining 12-3 games are.

Perhaps another Heisman highlight? That kid's got hops!


Andrew Hatch, QB/LSU, learned that hits in the SEC are just a bit harder than those from Division I-AA, or even the Sun Belt for that matter. He was knocked out of Saturday night's game, at Auburn, with a concussion. He was later seen on the sideline enjoying a Snickers and convincing everyone he was batman.


Arkansas fans were right. Life with Bobby Patrino and his "high powered" offense is WAY better than life with that no good, wife cheatin' bastard Houston Nutt. It's OK. Bama fans have some sympathy since they once thought life with a real "Tide man" (Shula) was better than life with a strip club lovin' west coast wacko (Price).

Those of you not fans of the SEC, we hope you get to liken' southern cookin', cause that's awl ESPN and dem other media outlets are gonna be given' us a fine helpin' of for awhile!

No matter how long the mighty Jimmy Clausen grows his hair, he still isn't Samson. Also, is anyone else tired of people trying to legitimize Notre Dame's chances of a BCS bowl by bringing up the schedule? "Well Tim, if you look at the Irish's schedule this year, there are at least 8 games they should win..." They AREN'T going to a BCS bowl this year!

True freshman Terrelle Pryor had 10 completions this weekend, in his much anticipated college debut, however only four of them were for touchdowns. Slacker! Six completions that didn't go for a score? No wonder Ohio State fans didn't pack The Shoe and began the boo birds this weekend. "You Suck!" The future looks SO dim for those Buckeyes!

Oregon is thankful this weekend that they have their own regional TV network (OSN) so the nation didn't get the opportunity to watch Boise State earn their first road victory vs a BCS opponent live. At least their was some coverage available so we can catch the highlights.

Oh and the last thing we learned this week is that John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" is way better than his "Take Me Home, Country Roads." Don't believe us? Just ask CU alum Chris Fowler.

DUI Attorney or Stadium Answers

Everyone was a good sport last week trying to guess which names were a DUI attorney or a NCAA football stadium. For those of you that listened to our podcast you already know the answers, but for those that slacked here they are.

Carter Finley - NC State's Stadium
Dunham Rogers - DUI attorney in Austin, TX
Sean Sullivan - DUI attorney in Las Vegas. Might want to keep that one for future reference.
Dowdy Ficklen - Home of the East Carolina Univ. Pirates.
Joan Edwards - Thundering Herd of Marshall Univ.'s home.
William Kibbie - The Idaho Vandals protect this house!
Casey Mulligan - DUI attorney in Boulder, CO. How about a Mulligan?
John Scheumann - Stadium for Ball State.
J. Layne Smith - Tallahassee DUI attorney. I am sure he is on Seminole speed dial.
Jason Dunkle - State College, PA DUI attorney. He has stayed plenty busy this year.
Kelly Shorts - Chippewas of Central Michigan's home.
Clarence Martin - Cougar's home on the Palouse of Washington State.
John Lloyd - Tuscaloosa, AL DUI attorney.
Wallace Wade - Always sold out home of the Duke Blue Devils. Also the home of the 1942 Rose Bowl.

Baked Coaches?

Pineapple Express hit the big screen yesterday and the wheels started turning in the minds of The College Football Guys thinking about what coaches out there might be coaching "under the influence." The coaches below show a few of the tell tale effects Maryjane has on a body.


June Jones, SMU. Talks at a single octave and at about 2 words/minute. Drug Effects - Clouded judgement, swore up and down that Colt was not a system QB and that Hawaii had a chance against Georgia. Road the "Pineapple Express" all the way to Dallas.











Ty Willingham Washington His monotone voice and serious demeanour might be mistaken for being stoned out of your mind. Drug Effects - He is EXTREMELY paranoid about reporters as he requires closed practices with high security. When listening to his press conferences you are not sure whether to laugh of be scared.


Jim Tressel, Ohio State. His Value Village style sweeter vests remind us of Donald Sutherland's character, Prof. Dave Jennings in Animal House. Drug Effects - Looks especially dazed when facing an SEC team (WILL THAT JOKE EVER END?)








Dave Wannstedt, Pitt. Drug Effects - His constant bed head and sloppy dress make it look like he is recovering from a three day binge.











Jeff Tedford, California. Obvious choice since daily he gets a contact high from the hippies outside his office. Drug Effect - players seem to lack the motivation to get to the next level.




Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Another case of suspected contact high in Boulder. Drug Effects - Can't wait to RV through the state and "meet" with fans. "Say, brotha, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did!"







Jim Leavitt, USF. Closest college football has to its own Spicoli. Drug Effects - Hallucination causing the coach to think he is actually playing in the game, preparing by running wind sprints in pregame.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."










Ralph Friedgen, Maryland and Mark Mangino, Kansas. What stoner/coach bit would be complete without including any mention of the munchies. Drug Effect - It is obvious these coaches have had the munchies once or twice in there lives.

Our Favorite Women and The Big 12

From the land that prides itself with friendly, hard working people, come the most attractive women you have ever seen. Therefore it makes all the sense in the world to compare Big 12 programs with the women we have grown to love over the years. Enjoy!

Baylor - Tina Fey. Conservative dress and nature. Can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Colorado - Kathy Ireland. Had a couple huge years and was every one's Cinderella now is better known for selling furniture and intramural programs.

Iowa State - Jessica Simpson. Popular when matched with the right guy. Thinks a Cardinal is the same as a Cyclone. Another free trivia question: "What does I.O.W.A. stand for?"

Nebraska - Cindy Crawford. At one time the "super" standard by which others followed, however with time became old and outdated as others "passed" on by. Distinctive features that cannot be removed - a mole and Tom Osbourne. Maybe their school became a Coke campus...



Missouri - Victoria Beckham. Produced some nice hits in the past with a couple great teams. Overhauled to look younger. Now that they are married to a hot guy, they have become every one's sexy pick. "So Major!"

Kansas - Paris Hilton. Nobody is quite sure how they got where they are. Convinced they will crash very soon. One you enjoyed the tape, the other you hope you NEVER see...Mangino do NOT spend a night in Paris.

Kansas State - Demi Moore. Behind the scenes and solid for many years. Couple nice blockbusters. Ex husband is still in the mix. Trying to revive career with younger man.

Oklahoma - Pamela Anderson. Big, brash and performance enhanced under Switzer. Spent time with lesser suitors. Got back up with a surprising year, but still can't break back through with a big time win. Embarrassing "incidents" cost them money and respect.

Oklahoma State - Anna Nichole Smith. Married to famous oil billionaire. Famous outbursts, one in reality and one on reality TV. One hopes their future plays out a little differently.

Texas - Jenny McCarthy. America's favorite girl. Well dressed. Larger than life. Many consider them annoying. Made it big when "matched" with the right show/QB. Steady performer. Enjoys yearly shootout with similar looking rival.



Texas Tech - Carmen Electra. Aspires to be Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson. An electric offense capable of exploding at any moment. Has a crazy love of funny looking men - Prince, Dennis Rodman, pirates, and Yosemite Sam.

Texas A&M - Jennifer Aniston. Once one of our Friends now appears desperate for any one's love - John Mayer anyone...

BONUS: Texas A&M - Anna Kournikova. Favorite of all the guys. Focus placed on the pageantry and show over the actual play on the field. At least the Aggies have ONE title.

Idiots Out Wandering Around.

Check back next week for SEC and Big Ten comparisons.

College Football Tour Guide

Great stuff from one of our correspondents on The College Football Guys.

Want to check out more of his stuff? http://collegefootballtourguide.com/the_college_football_tour_guide.html

"Take Me Back in Time!"

Press play below and continue reading...



The 2008 college football preview magazines are starting to hit shelves at a store near you! Of coarse this college football guy had to be the first person in town to buy Lindy's College Football 2008 Preview. While thumbing through the glorious, full color, glossy pages and reading the predictions of the upcoming season it made me think, just how accurate are these magazines?

It occurred to me that there was just one way to find out. So I slipped on my red and white Nike's, threw on my jean jacket, cranked up Huey Lewis & The News, hopped into the stainless steel Dalorean, put the pedal to the metal until that speedometer reached 88 miles an hour and went back in time to May 2007. There I found a copy of Lindy's 2007 Preview and want to share these actual, 2007, predictions with you. (I couldn't make this up if I tried.)


Lindy's Rose Bowl Pick - Cal vs. Michigan

Ohio State at Michigan - If Wolverines don't win, it's gonna feel like Chad Henne, Mike Hart and Jake Long came back for 'nuthin.

We wish...that Navy, doing so well under coach Paul Johnson, could finally end a 43-game losing streak to Notre Dame that dates to the Roger Staubach era.

Why is the ACC ranked No. 2 (best conference)? What the league has is amazing depth that rivals or surpasses the SEC.

Kansas - Sophomore QB Todd Reesing will continue to compete for the starting spot, but likely will be a backup.

Oregon at Michigan - Trying to slow down RB Jonathan Stewart will prepare UM for Big Ten.

Oklahoma at Colorado - Couldn't CU officials have picked an easier homecoming foe?

Michigan brought in a solid class that included star playmaker Ryan Mallett at quarterback.

Ohio State at Washington - Huskies' schedule still reads like the school is a powerhouse.

And the favorite to win the 2007 Big 12 Conference championship is....Nebraska? That far-fetched prediction is brought to you by the Committee to Save the Big 12 North.

Notre Dame at UCLA - Bruins might want to shelve the prevent defense this time around.

Louisville - The defense should be fine, but if the Cardinals have to win in a shootout, so be it. Just like last season, Louisville should be in the hunt for the national title.

Stanford at USC - Only big in seeing how much Carroll runs it up on Harbaugh.

South Florida at Auburn - QB Matt Grothe and Bulls will be thinking upset.

Appalachian State - Dare we say "dynasty?" ASU reloads to take a shot at FCS' first three-peat.


BTW - If some dimwitted slime ball starts winning a lot in Vegas and turns Hill Valley into a gang infested slum it means Biff stole my 2008 preview while I was back in 2007.

What a difference a year makes!

Come One, Come All!

The numbers are out! According to a University of Colorado survey about attendance numbers for this year's Spring Game scrimmages. It seems that there were over 1.3 million people that attended 96 games throughout the country.

What The College Football Guys think is the most interesting about these numbers is the amount of teams that actually charge to see their teams practice. While the list isn't long it includes some surprising members. Some programs that think they are special enough to charge for a scrimmage: Ole Miss ($10), Boise State ($7), East Carolina ($5), Miss. State ($5), Southern Miss ($5-10), K-State ($5), Rutgers ($5), Marshall ($5). In all fairness some of these schools need to squeeze every penning they can get out of fans to keep up with the Jones.

One thing we have learned is that Mississippians either have NOTHING better to do, or they have a large disposable income.

Mississippi - "Come Feel Good About Your State!"

Here is the link of attendance numbers compiled by the University of Colorado.

Here is the break down brought to us by http://www.bigrednetwork.com/.

Ralphie Gone Wild!

It is not just football players that use college spring games to help fine tune their game. As you will notice from the video below, mascots too need some time to figure everything out. This is the University of Colorado's new mascot, Ralphie V, and this young buff hasn't quite got everything down pat yet. I think he really wants to go RV'ing with "The Hawk."



On Sunday, in Boulder tradition, the residents and students had their annual celebration of 4/20 day. Over 10,000 people gathered in front of the CU student union to all smoke out in unison. You can bet those poor Ralphie handlers were there "easing the pain."

RV'ing with "The Hawk"

Not to be outdone by Martin Lawrence, Dan Hawkins is taking a college road trip of his own after the Colorado Buffs spring game to drum up local support for the team. Heading out in an RV he will be going across the state to meet with "Rocky Mountain High" Coloradans on their own turf.

This might have been how the conversation went with Athletic Director Mike Bohn when the decision was made:

Coach Hawkins: "So I was wondering if I could get an extra week off for vacation."

AD Bohn: "What! You had two weeks after finals, a week for July 4th, a week before camp starts, that's a month! That's more vacation than I get!"

Hawkins: "I am just a little bummed out."

Bohn: "A little bummed out?! This is division one football! That's it! If you want a vacation get in the Buff-mobile and plug the program!"

Hawkins: "Your right brotha. This isn't intramurals."

Hollywood hasn't come up with anything creative lately so when they heard about this upcoming event they started working on using it for RV II. They already have the posters done.