What We Learned Week Eleven

We here at the College Football Guys learned many things this weekend in college football. Chief among them was the odds of seeing ANOTHER Big Ten team in the BCS Championship game dropped to almost zero! The nation, including FOX executives, BCS Sponsors/Advertisers, and anyone who enjoys watching a competitive football game, rejoiced!!



This week we learned that Joe Pa can't figure out the BCS. We think he solved the puzzle on Saturday. It's real simple Joe, JUST WIN!



After John Parker Wilson scored Alabama's first touchdown Saturday, in "Death Valley," against LSU. He earned a "celebration penalty" for making the "Call me" motion with his hand. It appears that LSU idiots, er fans, once again found the cell phone number of an opposing SEC player, posted it on the Internet, and called repeatedly. That made us wonder what Tiger fans had to say to JPW, that was so important. The following are the ten most creative messages left by genius Tiger fans.

10. "Is Mike Hunt there?"
9. "Parker, Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it."
8. "John Parker Wilson? More like Sara Jessica Parker."
7. "This is Nicolas Sarkozy, and I love that Sara Palin!"
6. "Do you have Fat Albert in a can?"
5. "You wouldn't happen to have a spare roll of toilet paper would you?"
4. "Hi. This is Jeni. You remember me from this weekend right? You don't?! (sniffle) Well I went to the doctor today (sob) and he ran a bunch of tests and said I am (bawl) pregnant, and it's (weep) yours."
3. (Deep breaths) "Luke I am your father! Luke!"
2. "Why do you keep calling me! You called me! What do you want!"
1. (After one bottle of bourbon) "John Parker Wilson, you ain't nuttin' but a bunch of Tiga' Bait! We goin' beat that Tide A** on Sata'day!"

Speaking of smart people from Louisiana, did anyone else find it interesting that Brett Helms (Center for LSU), was CBS' Scholar of the Game with a whopping 3.0 GPA? Seriously? There was no other player on either the Alabama or LSU sidelines with a higher GPA?

We still haven't learned why the SEC hates USC so much. This year the Trojans show all the classic signs of an SEC team - great defense. Minus the "Fluke in Corvallis," USC has allowed opposing offenses to score ONLY 33 points! The Trojan defense ranks 1st in the nation in Passing Defense, Total Defense and Scoring Defense, allowing less than a touchdown a game (6.67)! If that doesn't scream SEC football, we will never know what does.

We learned last week that beating Michigan, in "The Big House," was no longer enough to keep Toledo Tom's job. Now we wonder if beating Tennessee, in Neyland Stadium, is going to be enough to save Wyoming Coach Joe Glenn's job? Maybe his Cowboys' performance is just expected these days in Laramie, as Coach Glenn is 3-1 verse the mighty SEC in his tenure at Wyoming.

Will someone please inform Mountaineer fans that the game of football is 60 minutes long! With Cincinnati leading 20-7 and less than 4 minutes remaining in the game, WVU turned the ball over on downs inside the Cincinnati 10 yard line. Mountaineer fans hit the exits. They didn't get far. When the Mountaineers scored 13 points in the final 1:11 of the game fans began pouring back into the stands for overtime. Remember WVU fans, "It ain't over until, the fat lady sings!"

Whoever still believes that recruiting magazines and web sites don't embellish Notre Dame's prospects and national rankings to sell subscriptions to rabid Irish fans hasn't watched a game of college football lately.

We think Wake Forest's gold uni's should have stayed back in 1956, but we will let you decide.

What We Learned Week Ten

What another crazy weekend in college football! Just when you think you have everything figured out Michael Crabtree went and turned the college football world upside down with the most electrifying plays of the year.

While America is having a hard time figuring out who is the best team in college football after Crab's last second stunt, there are some things we learned this weekend in college football.

It seems that USC bores easily when preparing for a 46 point conference underdog. But never fear, Captain Compete was there to save the day and help the Cardinal and Gold maintain their focus. Gamblers rejoice! Trojans cover!



We didn't believe it at first. It was too crazy to be true! Is that really sections of bleachers coming down from the student section? Yahoo confirms what our eyes did see! The student section in Lubbock passing their bleachers forward during the fourth quarter of Texas Tech/Texas game. Bobby Knight must be soo proud! Who needs tortillas when bleachers work just fine, thank you very much!

Overtime of the Pitt/Notre Dame game brought an unwelcome event. Sprinklers that were timed to go off at the end of regulation began to soak the field at Notre Dame Stadium. Assistant Groundskeeper Daniel Ruettiger would NEVER have let this happen! What is going on at Notre Dame these days?



What is going on at Michigan these days? After losing on a hook and lateral play to Purdue on Saturday, the Wolverines are guaranteed their first losing season since 1967. Stop making winter travel plans Michigan fans, the Wolverines will miss a bowl game for the first time in 33 years!

A win against Michigan, in the Big House, isn't even enough to keep a coach's job these days. Toledo coach Tom Amstutz is stepping down after a 2-6 start to the '08 season. A season that includes leading the Rockets to the first MAC victory ever, over the once storied Michigan program.

"The Eyes of Texas" are indeed upon us! The Mean Green of North Texas find a way to squeak out their first victory of the season against Big Red and the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. However, more proof might be needed as Missouri sneaks out of Waco with a 'W'.

At 6'7", 350 lbs, Texas Tech's offensive lineman Brandon Carter, aka Mankind, scares us as much as Lattimer did in "The Program."

At least the USC Song Girls still look good at 40!

Just when we thought Oregon had the ugliest uniforms in college football, Cal had to go and do them one better.

What We Learned Week Seven

What an EXCITING weekend of college football! For those of us who are college football fans it doesn't get much better than the deep fried treat we were served all day Saturday. Games that actually lived up to their billing and the upsets that make the game great. Oh and we also learned some things along the way.

The NBA season is back. Never was that more evident than in the Red River Rivalry. We saw Colt McCoy take the flop twice on the Texas sideline and OU's punter earn a yellow card and a running into the kicker penalty with a couple of well timed flops.

Red River Rivalry is way harder to say than Red River Shootout.

Texas might be number one right now, however the Longhorn's remaining opponents will have something to say about that as they are a combined 53-4.

For those of you that enjoyed the end of the UNC/Notre Dame game you know that the Big East referees wanted you to learn that there is indeed 3,600 seconds in a college football game, not 3,598 seconds.

The Bayou Bengals of LSU may have lost their chance to be number one in the football polls, but at least their band has the best Indiana Jones rendition in the nation!



Speaking of bands, the Badgers proved against Penn State that indeed it wasn't just the band that was missing from Camp Randall last week. Seems there is more to the problem in Madison. Maybe "three yards and a cloud of dust" is about as outdated as Georgia Tech's option offense.

Speaking of GT's vaunted offense, coach Paul Johnson must have scooped up Auburn's former offensive coordinator Tony Franklin to run their offense this weekend. The Yellow Jackets had a scoring fest in their 10-7 victory over Division I-AA Gardner Webb. Who? Gardner Webb.

Speaking of Auburn, maybe Tommy Tuberville should have fired his defensive coordinator instead of his offensive coordinator. The Razorbacks 25 points in Saturday's victory over the Tigers was just 6 points less than the 31 total they scored in their last 3 games.

Speaking of great offenses, you want to know how to stop the "high octane" spread offense? Run, run, run and run the ball some more. Stanford had the ball over 35 minutes and rushed for 286 yards in their 24-23 victory over the "Airzona" offense. Nebraska held the ball for over 40 minutes in their bid to upset Texas Tech. The Husker's mistake; they gave the Red Raiders extra time.

Instead of remodeling maybe Michigan should just rebuild the "Big House." The same end zone goal posts that gave App State their incredible victory also produced a favorable bounce for the mighty Rockets of Toledo.



Or, maybe it is time for a Coach Kevin Borseth intervention?



Adrian Grenier, Entourage's Vincent Chase = Mark Sanchez.


LSU defensive lineman Ricky Jean-Francois finds it easier to talk a big game than actually play in a big game. His words didn't seem to have much affect of Tim Tebow's Gators as they easily rolled to a 51-21 victory over the Bayou Bengals.

Speaking of a purple and gold loss, poor, poor, poor ECU. The Pirates have been beaten to a purple and gold pulp.

NCAA '09 IS HERE!

It is a day we have been waiting for since about a month after EA Sports released NCAA '08! A day that college students, pizza delivery drivers, out of work real estate agents, Blockbuster night managers, and a couple paperboys wait in line for the first copy of NCAA '09. Even though Toledo's Rocky the Rocket didn't make the cover we are happy this day has arrived!

National productivity just took a hit. There will be more than a couple lawns that go unmowed this weekend and your pizza might arrive in closer to 45 minutes, instead of 30.

For those of you that haven't gotten there's yet, enjoy this preview!

Election Day is Now!

Election time is here and your vote counts! EA Sports is opening up its Nintendo Wii NCAA '09 cover to you, the voting public! Now is your chance to rally your alumni friends and vote for for your mascot in a doomed attempt to put him on the cover of a national video game release.

Before you go to all that trouble, humor me this. Instead of showing your rabid pride and voting for a losing candidate (Harry the Husky, Cy the Cardinal?, Ron Paul, Ralph Nader), why don't you and your friends, make your vote count, and throw your support towards the most ridiculous/creative candidate available? We here at The College Football Guys have taken a great deal of time and effort to help you make an unbiased and informed decision.

If this had been a fair election, WKU's Big Red would have been our choice, but sadly he is not in the running - BOO! Our finalists were: MSU's Bully, UCF Knightro, MTSU Lightning (What is that thing anyway? A dragon? Flying "My Little Pony?"), and Mizzou's Truman the Tiger. But the most obvious choice was...!


Drum roll please.....

Toledo's Rocky the Rocket! Conceived in 1966, the heat of the "Space Race" and the hype of space travel, the University of Toledo's mascot is the worst, er best choice for a retro cover of NCAA '09!

To vote click here, and click on Mid-American Conference and make your choice! Vote early and often! Once a day until March 14th.

Haven't we had enough of the buckeyes and gators? The world is a better place without a leprechaun or longhorn on the cover of one of our favorite video games. Unite your vote for Rocky the Rocket! Besides it will bring a smile to Coach Tom Amstutz's face! Now that's a win/win proposition if you ask this college football guy.