A Saturday with No Football

We knew August 28th, the day the season started, that this day would come.

Alas it is on the horizon. A Saturday with no football!

No more tailgates. No ESPN College Gameday. No beautiful co-eds. No band playing our favorite song! It is all gone.

What to do? It has been over three months since we have been without. We are all at a bit of a loss here. How is a man to fill his Saturday without college football?

Let us help you out and offer a few suggestions.

First and most important, if you value your companionship with your significant other, do something with your wife, girlfriend, fiance! Who is that you ask? That is the cute little thing (way to cute for you we might add) that has been patiently waiting to get you back on Saturdays.

She has listened to you yell at the TV. Put up with your drunkenness at all the tailgates. Limited her comments when she caught you drooling over a young co-ed and even fixed you dinner a time or two.

TAKE HER OUT!

Now if you don't have a "significant other" and you:

a. Don't have finals to study for.
b. Live in an area of the country where it is too cold to do anything outside.
c. Believe the only joy that comes from the holiday season is shopping on Christmas Eve.
d. Have already defended your favorite program's NCAA '09 National Title 10 times.
e. Live in a spotlessly clean home.

and

f. Are hopelessly addicted to your 47" flat screen HDTV.

Here is some TV programing that might cure your withdrawal symptoms. Please check your local listings for times in your area.

Are you an ACC fan? Now is your chance to scout next year's schedule. This weekend is the semi finals for the FCS championship. Richmond plays at Northern Iowa, 4pm EST on ESPN. Just in case you are lost Friday night, Montana plays at JMU, 8pm EST on the "Deuce."

Big 12 fans - Storm Chasers; Sean and Reed bring their teams closer to tornadoes than ever before, 2pm CST on Discovery and we must never forget King of the Hill, 3pm CST on FX.

For SEC fans, CMT has you covered with the 12 Days of Redneck Christmas, 5pm EST.

CMT is also helping West Virginia fans with Larry the Cable Guy's Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza at 9:30pm EST. It is rumored that Mountaineer head coach Bill Stewart is co-hosting.

Bill Dance Outdoors on Versus at 1pm EST gives us a nice review of the 2008 Tennessee football season. In case you don't get a chance to catch it, we have posted it below.



Kind of reminds you of Ol' Fulmer, don't it?

Layla Kiffin says goodbye on Bravo's 7pm PST airing of Real Housewives of Orange County.

Auburn boosters call in to CNBC's 8pm EST showing of the Suze Orman Show to ask if paying $5.1 million to buy out one of the most successful coaches in the SEC is a sound financial decision. Suze's reaction is priceless.



Cal fans will find An Inconvenient Truth airing on Discovery at 1pm PST.

For those Notre Dame, Washington, WAZZU, Syracuse, Iowa State, Michigan, SMU, and North Texas fans, Trainwrecks is on Spike at noon EST. If you need something in prime time Mission Impossible III is on TNT at 11pm EST.

For Oregon, Cal, Missouri, Army, Central Michigan and every other programs that donned ugly uni's this year, What Not To Wear is on TLC at 4, 5, and 6pm EST.

Bottom line: Whatever you do, don't forget the Heisman Trophy Presentation is at 8pm EST on (where do you think?) ESPN.

Don't worry. This weekend is just a practice for January as Bowl Season begins bright and early at 11am EST, Saturday, December 20th!

What We Learned Week Twelve

While it was a relatively quiet weekend of college football, we here at The College Football Guys still learned some things about the sport. Now we would like to pass that knowledge on to you!

We now know that one of Phil Knight's cars must be a classy '78 Firebird. That is the only explanation we will accept for these Duck uniforms. Oregon you make this blog too easy for us.

Michigan fans, Relax! Just because you have lost 8 games for the first time in program history doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Lots of football power houses have lost eight games in a season. Washington, Texas A&M, Notre Dame, SMU, have and look how far they have come from the depths of defeat...

Colorado fans thought they were at a WWE match this weekend, as someone thought it would be cool to bring a laser pointer to the game and actually use it. I think Buff fans thought they were playing Tech this weekend.

Every weekend Notre Dame wins, they are "turning the corner" in the minds of the pundits and fans. Every weekend the Irish lose, it is "the end of the world! Charlie should be fired!" Make up your minds people!

Though not as thrilling as last year, the USC/Stanford game still came with a quirky ending. Down 45-17, Jim Harbaugh decided to use the last play of the game to kick a field goal. Seeing this USC coach, Pete Carrol called a time out to "ice the kicker." After the break Harbaugh trotted the offense back on to the field and Cardinal QB Alex Loukas threw an 18 yard touchdown pass to make the final score 45-23. The spread for the game just happened to be 23 points. Do you think someone might have reminded Jim that there are plenty of Stanford boosters and alumni that had Stanford to cover?

College TV announcers still don't know the difference between college and NFL replay rules! NCAA coaches have no red "hankies" to throw at officials. All reviews come from the replay booth, regardless if it is the last or the first two minutes of the game. Announcers, if you need to study up, here is a guide that might help.

If you look in the dictionary under jerk most SEC fans will tell you that Steve Spurrier's face is the only entry the book needs. It must be extremely gratifying for those same fans to watch Spurrier, the inventor of "style points," receive the largest beat down of his career this weekend. The defeat came at the hands of none other than his alma mater and the program responsible for his reputation. Look on the bright side Steve, plenty of golf courses have great winter rates right now!

If you paid any attention to college football this weekend you learned of a great story of Florida State's Myron Rolle and his attempt to win a Rhodes Scholarship. FSU and the NCAA have worked out a way for Rolle to attend the interview and play against Maryland on Nov. 22nd. Congrats to both for figuring this out, now it's time to come up with your best interview questions to ask Rolle.

Here is ours: "It has been said that a man's reputation is formed by the company he keeps. Explain to the committee how a brilliant man like yourself justifies playing on a team that has widespread academic fraud and teammates that recently thought it was acceptable to beat up students in the school cafeteria?"

Myron Rolle reminds us of this old Sesame Street skit:



Oregon wasn't the only ones that had some ugly black uniforms this weekend. FSU had their own ugly black uni's as well. BTW, Florida State, blackouts are only cool if black is one of your official school colors and Oregon next time you try a blackout let your fans know that they need to wear black as well.

What We Learned This Weekend

What The College Football Guys learned the first weekend in college football is...

...in this election year, your vote does indeed matter. So far, you the fan of The College Football Guys, have correctly picked the winners of the first two major non conference games by voting on which school has the hottest women. We shall see how the rest of the season plays out.

...Rick Neuheisel, some how, some way figures out how to put his money where his mouth is. He is worth at least 3 victories a year to any program who has the guts to hire him. Washington and Colorado fans will ask you if he is worth the heartache of being left in college football's abyss once he leaves.

...Fresno State and Pat Hill have no problem playing "Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime." Tennessee and Phil Fulmer do.

...that it is East Carolina, no matter how tempted you are to call them Eastern Carolina.

...when USC's band plays Victory before kickoff, it sends a shiver down your spine and puts goose bumps on your arms as you remember how much you missed college football. When they play it for the 61st time, and it isn't even halftime, it makes you want to puke and wish desperately that UVA didn't just pretend to have a football program.

...Michigan needed Terrelle Pryor more than they let on.

...6 am wake up calls, installing digital clocks throughout the practice facility and stopping secret newsletters to boosters didn't help A & M against a Sun Belt school, in front of the mighty "12th man." Maybe the Aggies should have followed the lead of their opponent, abandoned tradition, and changed their nickname. Worked for the Arkansas State Indians...er Red Wolves.

...Idaho REALLY misses Dennis Erickson.

...that after the Sugar Bowl, June Jones saw the handwriting on the wall.

...Dr. Holtz could possibly be the worst creation ESPN has ever come up with. A close second would be those terrible 2 hour programs the "World Leader" pawned off as "movies." How does Tom Berenger say yes to all those B movies? Here it is again in case you missed the 123 times it played this weekend.


...Clemson really does resemble Two Face. Before they play a difficult opponent they flip a coin to see how they will play. The coin they flip only has one side, and it reads "terrible."

...Nick Saban might be the "The Most Powerful Coach in Sports." The LSU faithful still aren't believers.

















...no one has EVER prayed harder than Ty Willingham for rain in Seattle. He hopes the water cools his seat off, so he can sit on it at least past October.

...that the ACC might do best to schedule intrasquad scrimmages the first week of the season!

Baked Coaches?

Pineapple Express hit the big screen yesterday and the wheels started turning in the minds of The College Football Guys thinking about what coaches out there might be coaching "under the influence." The coaches below show a few of the tell tale effects Maryjane has on a body.


June Jones, SMU. Talks at a single octave and at about 2 words/minute. Drug Effects - Clouded judgement, swore up and down that Colt was not a system QB and that Hawaii had a chance against Georgia. Road the "Pineapple Express" all the way to Dallas.











Ty Willingham Washington His monotone voice and serious demeanour might be mistaken for being stoned out of your mind. Drug Effects - He is EXTREMELY paranoid about reporters as he requires closed practices with high security. When listening to his press conferences you are not sure whether to laugh of be scared.


Jim Tressel, Ohio State. His Value Village style sweeter vests remind us of Donald Sutherland's character, Prof. Dave Jennings in Animal House. Drug Effects - Looks especially dazed when facing an SEC team (WILL THAT JOKE EVER END?)








Dave Wannstedt, Pitt. Drug Effects - His constant bed head and sloppy dress make it look like he is recovering from a three day binge.











Jeff Tedford, California. Obvious choice since daily he gets a contact high from the hippies outside his office. Drug Effect - players seem to lack the motivation to get to the next level.




Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Another case of suspected contact high in Boulder. Drug Effects - Can't wait to RV through the state and "meet" with fans. "Say, brotha, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did!"







Jim Leavitt, USF. Closest college football has to its own Spicoli. Drug Effects - Hallucination causing the coach to think he is actually playing in the game, preparing by running wind sprints in pregame.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."










Ralph Friedgen, Maryland and Mark Mangino, Kansas. What stoner/coach bit would be complete without including any mention of the munchies. Drug Effect - It is obvious these coaches have had the munchies once or twice in there lives.