It's Your Fat Girlfriend's Fault!

Here at the College Football Guys, we used to have a saying that if you couldn't perform in the big stage, got a case of the yips, you "Coug'd it." However after Texas Tech's performance this last weekend against Texas AM it appears it isn't your fault at all. According to Red Raider's coach Mike Leach it is your "fat girlfriend's" fault that you fail.

I think it is officially time to make Coach Leach my permanent "life coach." His motivation makes me want to get off the couch, break up with my "fat girlfriend", find a REAL "hottie" and stop blogging!



Maybe the reason Coach Leach's players have "fat girlfriends" is because they are taking dating advice from coach.



I wonder how his banking advise will turn out any better for you? Don't forget Husky fans, this guy was almost yours...allegedly.

The Play of the Weekend in College Football

Since the Arizona @ Washington game ended at approximately 4:30am EST, (this is all part of the Pac Ten's plan to gain visibility for the conference) here is the play of the day in college football. Enjoy!

Week Three Podcast for the College Football Guys!

Week three is here for the College Football Guys!

This week we discuss the upset in Seattle, the thriller in Blacksburg, and the throttling in Provo. We will also attempt to answer the questions:

- Can anyone figure out the ACC?

- Why does the SEC suddenly look like the Big 12?

- Is revenge served warm still as nice?

Also a preview Miami/Virginia Tech and this week's other big games!

Plus much, much more! Just click here, press play and enjoy!

What We Learned Week Thirteen

Oklahoma's destruction of Texas Tech on Saturday didn't help the College Football Guys figure out the best team in the Big-12 South, or the country, for that matter. However we did learn something this week and we feel that it is our duty to pass the knowledge on to you.

FSN's national broadcast of the Apple Cup, a battle of two teams with a combined 1-20 record, confirmed what your local news already knows - Americans LOVE train wrecks!

NBC knows this too! That's why they continue to renew their TV contract with Notre Dame. What is still unknown is which Notre Dame contract will last longer - Charlie's or NBC's?

Even though San Diego State fired head coach Chuck Long, his words from the beginning of the year may have served as prophesy. Wisconsin, playing at home, on Senior Day, needed a missed extra point attempt to beat Cal-Poly in OT, 36-35. This begs the question, "Is Cal-Poly better than Notre Dame?"

This weekend we figured out how the ACC should crown their champion.

1. Write the name of each program mathematically alive for an ACC division title on separate pieces of paper.
2. Fold them up and place them in a hat.
3. Have Doug Flutie draw a single piece of paper out.
4. The name of the program revealed will represent the ACC in a BCS game. No need for an ACC championship. It would muddy the water further and it doesn't make money anyway.
5. Then it is up to the chosen program to beg for mercy from the BCS bowl selection committee to be match against the Big East champ. This will be the ONLY way to prevent the ACC from losing another BCS game (1-9 since the BCS was created).

Not even the meteorologist in Mike Leach could predict the storm that hit the Red Raiders in Norman.



Did you know Joe Pa is getting hip replacement? Didn't know if you knew since it was only mentioned 412 times before, during, and after the Penn State/Michigan State game.

Minnesota showed us that the only way to close a stadium is the "Golden Gopher Way." After starting the season 7-1, Minnesota has dropped their last four games. Three of which were played in the Metrodome. A stadium that will no longer be the home of the mighty Golden Gophers as they move into their new digs on campus in '09. Iowa's 55-0 victory in Minneapolis, on Saturday was a COLD reminder of the team Gopher fans want to leave behind as fast as the empty Metrodome.

Andrew Aguila, kicker for the CMU Chippewas, is really Inigo Montoya. All six fingered men should be on high alert!


It is official, with a 2/OT loss to the Washington State Cougars, the Washington Huskies became the WORST 2008 team in NCAA Division I-A (FBS) football!

Speaking of NCAA worsts: Another week, another terrible uniform in college football. Vegas Gold? Can anyone tell us why?

Crapple Cup Time is Here!

ATTENTION: BEFORE PROCEEDING FURTHER INTO THIS BLOG ENTRY YOU MUST PRESS PLAY ON THE VIDEO BELOW!



There has been PLENTY of articles bashing the 0-10 Huskies and the 1-10 Cougars the last couple of days, weeks, and months. In the words of Cougar alum, Keith Jackson, this Saturday's Apple Cup is sure "...to go down as an all-time, all-timer." We here at The College Football Guys do not wish to pile on further. We know, we know, your asking "Are you guys feeling OK?"

Yes.

Honestly how much more can you pour on to two programs that have fallen from national prominence faster than a pair of crocs on anyone besides Tim Tebow? In 2001 Washington was Rose Bowl champions and finished number 3 in the country. From 2001-2003, Washington State finished each season with ten wins and a top ten ranking. This included a 28-20 defeat of #6 Texas in the 2003 Holiday Bowl.

What has gone wrong since has been the subject of MANY media articles this week. Today we want to give the fans of the Cougars and Huskies a release from the negative and a feeling of hope again. A sense of pride and a reminder of how great it is to be a Dawg and a Coug. With that said it is time to take a look at some of the "Glory Days!"

Cougars




Cougar fans will want to go to 2:23 for full enjoyment!

Huskies





Cheer up fans! Glory Days haven't passed by yet!

Ty vs. Chuck Update!

It seems the warm winds of autumn have changed to bitter cold in South Bend. Discontent among Irish fans has spurred several reports and rumors about the possible dismissal of the offensive genius and head coach Charlie Weis. This coupled with the "resignation" of Tyrone Willingham gives us the opportunity to update an article we published a couple weeks ago relating fan enthusiasm in Seattle and South Bend to the time each coach has spent with their programs.

Here is your updated graph:


i. Notre Dame hasn't beat a winning program in almost two years. They are 1-15 in the last 16 games against top 25 teams. Fans are getting worried that things might not be headed in the right direction. Can you imagine what the above graph will look like if the Irish lose to Navy, AGAIN!

On the opposite end of the country, Washington fans have breathed a sigh of relief as they begin the process of moving forward without Ty. Optimism is high as the chance to start over again is now a reality.

Change

Change.

A buzzword that has been at the forefront of our presidential election for well over a year now and with the election of Barack Obama as our 44th president last night, the word change might just become the most used word of 2008.

Hope.

With the ousting of, Tommy Bowden at Clemson, Ty Willingham at Washington, and Phillip Fulmer at Tennessee, change and hope for a brighter future have become buzzwords around campus in Clemson, Seattle, and Knoxville.

"The only thing that remains constant in life is change." While this is true, there are some important things to think about when facing change within a college program.

In some cases change has proven to be a good thing.

In Gainsville, Gator fans decided enough was enough with Zooker, lets give young Urban a chance. One title and a Heisman trophy winner later, Myer's spread option has turned college football upside down.

In Tuscaloosa, Tide fans said no more to Alabama native Shula in favor of a coach with no Crimson in his blood. Some may argue that only the color of money flows through Saban's veins. None the less, so far, so good.

Trojan fans chose an unsuccessful NFL wash out, Pete Carroll, over a former NFL coordinator in hopes of change. We all know the success that has brought LA.

Sometimes the answer is no change at all. A storm is recognized for what it is, a weather system, not the inhalation of the sun and the end of life as we know it.

Players involved in off the field incidents in the off season combined with the apparent lack of success on the field, Joe Pa was questioned repeatedly before the season began if this would be his last year. A 9-0 Nittany Lion title contender has shut those rumblings up.

During the off season, plans were made in Tallahassee to ensure a successor was in place to replace their legend. The question was no longer who is next, but when. A quick start to the 2008 season has silenced those questions.

Sometimes change just isn't the answer.

Squeaky voiced Chuck Amato was asked to leave NC State in 2006. What Wolfpack fans really should have done is signed Phillip Rivers to a long term deal.

The administration at Colorado State thought their program was bigger than it is and asked long time coach Sonny Lubick to step down. Needless to say the Rams still play on Sonny Lubick field, but not to the level they have grown to expect.

Arizona State relieved themselves of a coach that couldn't "win the big games" and replaced him with one that hasn't won a big game yet. Dennis' Sun Devils have lost 6 in a row for the first time in program history.

Once the decision has been made to change, two important things must be addressed.

The first is the easiest to figure out. Recognize who you are. What have you done in the past and why you want change? Is change really necessary? The move of firing a coach can be so simple sometimes that the root of the problem is never discovered and never addressed.

The second issue is the most important; assessing who you want to be as a program and putting a plan together to get there. This involves goal setting, developing strategies and setting standards that will usher in the desired results. This is most difficult phase of the process, because without it, the change you seek ends up being no change at all.

So remember Clemson, Seattle, and Knoxville, if you do not fully understand who you are, why you want a change and where you want to go, you might end up fulfilling another famous prophesy. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."

Ty vs. Chuck 2008 style!

This weekend of college football brings us several games that will go a long way to decide who will play in the BCS Championship game this January. Hidden in these games is a little ol' show down in Seattle, WA. Charlie Weis brings his Fightin' Irish to Husky Stadium to face former Notre Dame coach Tyrone Willingham.

As Notre Dame continued their historic slide in 2007, the national media, blogs, and fans of ND and U Dub made comparisons of Ty and Charlie's records in their first three years as Notre Dame's coach.

What a difference a year makes! Today that conversation is null and void. Tyrone's 0-6 Huskies have continued to disappoint fans while Notre Dame has begun, very slightly, to show signs of improvement.

While last year's popular comparison is moot, the relationship between the coaches first four years at their respective institutions still merits discussion. Not for their specific records on the field, but for the joys and heartache each have brought to their fans. With this in mind we have created a graph to relate visually the roller coaster ride Husky and Irish Fans have faced. Enjoy your ride!

Charlie Weis

Coach Weis was welcomed with open arms by Notre Dame fans in 2005! Finally someone from the "Irish family" was taking over the reigns of the fledgling program! Notre Dame had snagged themselves the next Bill Parcells! South Bend erupts!

a. Notre Dame is soo giddy with Weis' performance that after ONLY seven games into the 2005 season they ink Chuck to a 10 year contract worth $30-40 million, through the 2015 season. Charlie is quoted as saying he will be at Notre Dame until his son graduates from South Bend.

b. The Irish go 9-2 in Charlie's first season and earn a trip to a BCS Bowl. Even though they lost the Fiesta Bowl to Ohio State, 35-20, they still finish 2005 ranked #9 in the AP and #11 in the Coaches' Poll. Charlie is named Eddie Robinson Coach of the Year. Catholics rejoice!

c. April, 2006 - Showing up in a limo, sporting a great looking suit, and spiked hair, the number one recruit in the country, QB Jimmy Clausen, officially commits to Charlie and ND. Fans begin talk of "Christ in Cleats Part II."

d. 2006 brings ND an easy schedule, a 10-2 record, and a second consecutive BCS Bowl game.

e. The Irish are outmatched by a faster, stronger and more athletic LSU Tiger team in the Sugar Bowl resulting in 41-14 blow out. Eyebrows are raised at the fact the Irish haven't won a bowl game since 1994.

f. Notre Dame's season is summed up with an overtime loss to Navy. First since the days of Staubach. Notre Dame faces first 9 loss season in their history. Irish fans are so embarrassed they volunteer themselves to be buried at sea!

g. Good news from 2007? The Irish beat 1-11 Duke and 4-8 Stanford to avoid the worst season in the history of Notre Dame football. Even with these victories the BCS still doesn't find a bowl spot for the 3-9 team. America laughs, and laughs, and laughs, and...

h. Another top ten recruiting class and a new season brings back limited optimism.

Bringing us to present day. Though Charlie has been knocked down this year, he has managed to negotiate an easier schedule and the program is showing signs of improvement. Fans are currently content.

Tyrone Willingham

Ty was hired in much different circumstances. Hired to do two jobs, improve and clean up a 1-10 team. Washington was still paying for two coaches and was looking to buy low and no one was cheaper than the media bashed, ex-Notre Dame coach.

t. Season ends a disappointing 2-9, however it is twice as many wins as 2004!

u. In 2006 the Dawgs get off to a 4-1 start their only loss was a close one to #15 OU, in Norman. Bowl arrangements are beginning to be made!

v. Washington lose starting QB, blow 6 in a row, and end with an embarrassing 20-3 loss to Ty's former team, Stanford. The Cardinal's first victory in one calendar year and first in Seattle since 1975.

w. Quarterback "Montlake Jake" Locker, the "Tim Tebow of the West," makes his much anticipated Husky debut as the Dawgs race out to a 2-0 start including a win against BCS spoiler #22 Boise State. Tickets sales are through the roof!

x. Season finishes 4-9 when a last second drive to tie Hawaii falls short. Half the fans want Ty gone, half want him to stay. A $100,000 bounty is placed on Ty's head. After promising president "team would be more competitive" in 2008 president allows him to stay. Fans take a collective groan/sigh.

y. Best recruiting class in years. Young talented team with a stud at QB brings more optimism to fans. It is amazing how a long off season heals wounds.

z. An excessive celebration penalty at the end of regulation against BYU aids a Cougar block of tieing extra point attempt. Jake breaks thumb and season spirals out of control. Willingham's remaining time at Washington is about as useless as W's final months in DC.

It has been a long, turbulent four years for both programs. It appears obvious now that Notre Dame made the right move in 2005 and Washington made the wrong one. On Saturday, Ty has at least one opportunity to have a last word.

Unfortunately it will only be for pride, as a victory won't do much to change the coarse of this roller coaster for either side.

What We Learned Week Three

After putting our collective heads back on straight, here are some things we, The College Football Guys, learned this weekend in college football.

Even though USC dominated The Ohio State the rest of the PAC looked more like the WAC going a collective 3-7 for the weekend, including 0-2 vs. the Big 12 and 0-4 vs. the MWC!

One would have thought ASU would have been 3-0 heading into the Georgia game this week, however it appears that they watched too much coverage of the BYU/Washington game last week as they too could not keep a 35 yard field goal from being blocked.

Not only did UNLV walk away from Tempe with the biggest win in program history, they also received a tidy $400,000 for their, um, troubles? The school immediately placed their money on USC to win the BCS Title.

It is obvious that the emotional stress the Cal football team suffered due to the removal of their most devoted and avid fans from the Oak Grove this week affected their play on the field vs Maryland. Trust me it wasn't "jet lag," it was emotional trauma.

Virginia Tech finally played a home game that carried some significance, allowing us the opportunity to learn that the Hokies have found a new way to make "Chicago Maroon" and Burnt Orange look terrible together.


So far it seems that when it comes to winners for major non-conference games the schools with the best looking women are winning...

Could Texas Tech play someone, ANYONE, so we could have some idea how good their offense is? U Mass coming to town this weekend. That makes two Division I-AA schools this year! Maybe they should just join the ACC! At least Mike Leach continues to bring us quality entertainment.

16 Major League Baseball teams outscored the "newfangled" spread offense of the mighty Auburn Tigers on Saturday. Auburn got the 3-2 victory, however Ohio State's 3 points only got them embarrassed again on national TV. BTW - UCLA would have lost to all but two MLB teams on Saturday.

Speaking of UCLA, Provo wants former BYU 0ffensive coordinator Norm Chow to know that they are thankful for the memories, but they are doing just fine with out him. UCLA also needs to rethink scheduling a week three games in Utah. Mike Stoops of Arizona might want to do the same with New Mexico.

Middle Tennessee State reminded us this week that football is indeed a game of inches.

Husky fans learned Saturday that "Boomer Sooner" is every bit as annoying as the Trojan's "Victory." At this point in the season it seems that the nation will get the opportunity to decide for themselves on January 8th 2009 in Miami. Maybe FOX can get Ryan Seacrest to come to Miami and encourage fans to vote. Heck we can't wait that long, lets just decide today.

BEWARE the "Ides of September!"

According to the Roman calendar the term ides was used for the 15th day of March, April, May and October and also the 13th day of the other 8 months of the year.

In modern times we recognize the "Ides of March" as a time to beware of your surroundings, as it was on the 15th of March that Julius Caesar was assassinated.

On this year's "Ides of September" (13th of September) OU is headed once again to Pac Ten country, as they line up to play the University of Washington in Seattle. The circumstances surrounding OU's history with Washington and Pac Ten referees, combined with the events that took place in Husky Stadium this last week, leads one to conclude that perhaps the Sooners should BEWARE the "Ides of September."

Remember two years ago when OU played another team in the Pacific Northwest? During OU's 2006 game against Oregon, in Eugene, the Ducks were awarded an onside kick attempt that replays showed clearly possession should have gone to OU. The Sooners ended up losing the game 33-34 and OU coach Bob Stoops promised never to travel to a Pac Ten school again unless they used neutral refs.



No one has yet forgotten what happened during the BYU/Washington game last week in Husky Stadium.



However this warning would not exist if it wasn't for another "excessive celebration" call in the first ever OU/Washington match-up.

During the 1985 Orange Bowl the RUF/NEKS road the "Sooner Schooner" onto the field to celebrate what they thought was a successful 22 yard field goal attempt. Turns out there was an illegal procedure call and when the refs saw the Schooner they added another 15 yards for what we might now call "excessive celebration." After the penalties were assessed the 42 yard kick was blocked (sound familiar?). A successful attempt would have made it 17-14 OU, however it left the game tied and Washington ended up winning.



Is all of this a coincidence?

Maybe, but is Oklahoma ready to take that chance?

Washington hopes so, because the "Ides of September" is the only chance they have on Saturday.

Week Three Podcast for TCFGs

Another week, another great podcast!

The Ohio State @ USC game is upon us! Join The College Football Guys as they recap last weeks games, debate excessive celebration and preview ALL the big games going on this week. We also answer these burning questions:

Is ECU a possible "BCS Buster?"

What does the future hold for WVU?

What would you do it you have already laid out $650 for plane tickets and $140 for 2 tickets to your alma mater's home game that starts only 15 minutes before USC/OSU?

Click here. Press play. Listen and find out the answers to these questions!

What We Learned Week Two

What The College Football Guys learned after weekend number two in college football.

..."Point of Emphasis" is a really neat and sophisticated term, until you hear it for the 326th time. After that we want to say, "Don't have a cow, Man!"

...Is Vanderbilt's victory over South Carolina really considered an upset when we already know the Gamecock's coach and team is overrated?

...Why is it such a big deal that "The Chosen One" went on missionary trips in the off season? Over 75% of BYU players have been on two year missions. Impress us Tim and get married! 35 Cougs are hitched.

...Mike Leach must be really jealous of Skip Holt's Purple and Gold Pirates.



...The Buckeyes still are number one in the country at playing down to the level of their opponents.

...Bon Jovi plays quarterback for the Fightin' Irish. Jimmy Clausen, bringing back the 80's one bad haircut at a time.

...San Diego State Coach Chuck Long is not sure if Notre Dame is better than Division I-AA Cal-Poly.



...U Conn's 12-9 OT victory over Bill Cosby's Temple Owls gave the Big East their FIRST victory over a Division I-A program. The "Big Easy" will have to wait and see if Thursday brings their first victory vs. a BCS conference opponent.

...Instead of having his mind on the game against the mighty Blue Raiders of Middle Tennessee, Ralph Friedgen was thinking about the case of Blue Label Coors he had waiting for him in his "fridge." With Cal coming to town this next weekend, it's CODE BLUE time Turtle fans!



...Congress and the President need to order a "troop surge" for the US Military Academy. Please just send only the ones that have ANY knowledge of the game of football.

...Miami kickers wear the purrtiest green little slippers. So SHINY! They look soo good with black dress socks!


...We like Florida State's version of those terrible Go Gator Nation commercials. (Not for children's eyes)



...When the NCAA discovers how much fun we have on this blog and podcast, they will issue us an "Excessive Celebration" penalty.

What We Learned This Weekend

What The College Football Guys learned the first weekend in college football is...

...in this election year, your vote does indeed matter. So far, you the fan of The College Football Guys, have correctly picked the winners of the first two major non conference games by voting on which school has the hottest women. We shall see how the rest of the season plays out.

...Rick Neuheisel, some how, some way figures out how to put his money where his mouth is. He is worth at least 3 victories a year to any program who has the guts to hire him. Washington and Colorado fans will ask you if he is worth the heartache of being left in college football's abyss once he leaves.

...Fresno State and Pat Hill have no problem playing "Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime." Tennessee and Phil Fulmer do.

...that it is East Carolina, no matter how tempted you are to call them Eastern Carolina.

...when USC's band plays Victory before kickoff, it sends a shiver down your spine and puts goose bumps on your arms as you remember how much you missed college football. When they play it for the 61st time, and it isn't even halftime, it makes you want to puke and wish desperately that UVA didn't just pretend to have a football program.

...Michigan needed Terrelle Pryor more than they let on.

...6 am wake up calls, installing digital clocks throughout the practice facility and stopping secret newsletters to boosters didn't help A & M against a Sun Belt school, in front of the mighty "12th man." Maybe the Aggies should have followed the lead of their opponent, abandoned tradition, and changed their nickname. Worked for the Arkansas State Indians...er Red Wolves.

...Idaho REALLY misses Dennis Erickson.

...that after the Sugar Bowl, June Jones saw the handwriting on the wall.

...Dr. Holtz could possibly be the worst creation ESPN has ever come up with. A close second would be those terrible 2 hour programs the "World Leader" pawned off as "movies." How does Tom Berenger say yes to all those B movies? Here it is again in case you missed the 123 times it played this weekend.


...Clemson really does resemble Two Face. Before they play a difficult opponent they flip a coin to see how they will play. The coin they flip only has one side, and it reads "terrible."

...Nick Saban might be the "The Most Powerful Coach in Sports." The LSU faithful still aren't believers.

















...no one has EVER prayed harder than Ty Willingham for rain in Seattle. He hopes the water cools his seat off, so he can sit on it at least past October.

...that the ACC might do best to schedule intrasquad scrimmages the first week of the season!

Baked Coaches?

Pineapple Express hit the big screen yesterday and the wheels started turning in the minds of The College Football Guys thinking about what coaches out there might be coaching "under the influence." The coaches below show a few of the tell tale effects Maryjane has on a body.


June Jones, SMU. Talks at a single octave and at about 2 words/minute. Drug Effects - Clouded judgement, swore up and down that Colt was not a system QB and that Hawaii had a chance against Georgia. Road the "Pineapple Express" all the way to Dallas.











Ty Willingham Washington His monotone voice and serious demeanour might be mistaken for being stoned out of your mind. Drug Effects - He is EXTREMELY paranoid about reporters as he requires closed practices with high security. When listening to his press conferences you are not sure whether to laugh of be scared.


Jim Tressel, Ohio State. His Value Village style sweeter vests remind us of Donald Sutherland's character, Prof. Dave Jennings in Animal House. Drug Effects - Looks especially dazed when facing an SEC team (WILL THAT JOKE EVER END?)








Dave Wannstedt, Pitt. Drug Effects - His constant bed head and sloppy dress make it look like he is recovering from a three day binge.











Jeff Tedford, California. Obvious choice since daily he gets a contact high from the hippies outside his office. Drug Effect - players seem to lack the motivation to get to the next level.




Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Another case of suspected contact high in Boulder. Drug Effects - Can't wait to RV through the state and "meet" with fans. "Say, brotha, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did!"







Jim Leavitt, USF. Closest college football has to its own Spicoli. Drug Effects - Hallucination causing the coach to think he is actually playing in the game, preparing by running wind sprints in pregame.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."










Ralph Friedgen, Maryland and Mark Mangino, Kansas. What stoner/coach bit would be complete without including any mention of the munchies. Drug Effect - It is obvious these coaches have had the munchies once or twice in there lives.

Sharks of College Football

Just in time for Sunday's start of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, The College Football Guys bring you the Top Sharks of College Football.

Sharks are slick, spineless, sneaky and cunning. They have little regard for manners and often leave behind a mess for a family or "school" to clean up. Misunderstood by most, they are crucial to maintaining the balance of the ocean's fragile ecosystem by weeding out weaker or injured creatures.

Like the mysterious creatures of the seas these college football coaches contain many of the same attributes. You might enjoy their success in the short term, as they chow down on weaker opponents. However, what makes you think they won't latch on to the next piece of meat that falls into the ocean leaving you, the program, school and fan, to clean up the mess? Caveat Emptor, let the buyer be aware of the following play callers.

Dennis Erickson - Denny has a history of making promises he can't keep. In just his second NCAA head coaching job at Wyoming he promised a long tenure, yet left after one season to coach Washington State. He spent a mere two seasons at WAZZU before bolting to "The U." After six seasons there he left the program with two national titles and facing 3 years probation. Erickson jumped ship again in 2006, after telling Vandal fans he was going to be around for the long term, he left again, after just one year.

Rich Rodriguez - Initially appeared to be the good guy when he told Alabama no and said he would stay and coach his alma mater for years to come. This might have been true if Michigan had figured out a way to beat a I-AA team from Boone, NC. Rich Rod left for Michigan in the middle of bowl preparations and refused to pay agreed upon buyout.

Evidently collecting keys is not part of a WVU's exit interview, so he snuck back into the office and started shredding notes on players. The balls on Rodriguez and the blades on that shredder where bigger and sharper than any shark we have ever seen.

Rick Neuheisel - With a law degree from UCLA and a member of the Arizona State and DC Bar Associations, Rick already has the necessary qualifications of a shark. "Slick Rick" slipped out of Colorado to become one of the top five paid coaches in the country at Washington leaving CU with 51 NCAA rules violations. After four years at U-DUB Neuheisel lied to the administration about interviews for the 49er's position and then had that "little" incident involving an NCAA "pool." The program STILL hasn't recovered. Maybe time away and coaching for alma mater will change his ways.

Does an alcoholic ever lose his addition? Don't think so...

Nick Saban - This shark will sneak right up on you and attack when you least expect. The "Savior" of Michigan State football, Saban used the program as a nice stepping stone to go coach an LSU team that needed some saving itself. If the story stopped here we might consider him an older, more popular Urban Meyer. However his thirst for blood and money left him with no choice but to seek out the challenge of a bigger "fish." After two years he showed his teeth again and followed the Crimson blood leaving a destroyed Dolphin's team in the wake. 'Bama fans could only say, "We done caught ourselves a big'en!"


Bobby Petrino - Where to begin? Bobby pulled the biggest sneak attack of them all! How do you leave a team in the middle of the season, with a Dear John letter? "Dear Team, I have been doing some thinking and this just isn't working out. I really think we should see other people." It's like breaking up with your girlfriend with a text message on Christmas Day! Only a great shark pulls a stunt like that.



Coaches that might be confussed as sharks:

Houston Nutt - While Arkansas fans are just plain nuts, there is usually a truth somewhere in the middle of two completely different stories. Houston, just tell us, "Did you have relations with Ms. Bragg?"

Mike Price - Vilified in the "southland" for enjoying strippers. The state that brings the world Wesley's Booby Trap was offended by Price's actions. Who is really the hypocrite here?

Mike Gundy - Much like a whale shark, his actions and words are worse than his bite. Enjoys plankton and reporters.

Steve Spurrier - Proves every year at South Carolina he is no longer harmful. He would rather be playing golf with another "Shark."

Enjoy Shark Week everyone! Soon there will be something better to watch on Saturdays!

Pac Ten as Fine Wine

When thinking of the Pacific Ten Conference one might compare it to drinking a glass of fine wine; soft and aloof. Daily reminders of "west coast bias" might cause an SEC fan to proclaim, "Would you like some more cheese with that whine?"

The self proclaimed "Conference of Champions," with more NCAA titles than any other conference and schools that reside in cities like Seattle, San Fran, Los Angeles and Phoenix often can be thought of pretentious and ambitious. With this in mind we have a few wine selections that might come in handy when describing the programs of the Pac Ten.

Arizona - Chateu Ste. Michelle Neillie's Garden Dry Rosé. This might be the only rose these fans ever get their hands on. Quick trivia question to stump your friends: What Pac Ten team has never been to a Rose Bowl? "Arizona. May the Lute be with you. Always."

Arizona State - Yellow Tail. Fun to look at, much like Sun Devil women. Young, hip, and mass produced. Easy to buy and consume. Prays every day to be as well liked as its California counterparts.

Cal - Gainey Riesling. Aromatic grape variety, displaying flowery, almost perfumed, aromas. Useful in covering the smell of a tree hugger after 18 months without a bath. Rieslings are rarely "oaked." Perfect. Victory for every Berkeley tree lover!

Stanford - 1787 Chateau Lafite. Old and sophisticated. Requires too much knowledge and money to actually enjoy. However young ex-quarterback is trying desperately to knock the dust off this bottle.

Oregon - Cristal (Champagne). The packaging and marketing of the product has caused it to be wildly overpriced and over hyped. Highly fashionable early pick, yet rarely delivers as portrayed.

Oregon State - Charles Shaw, aka "Two Buck Chuck". Great deal of value in this wine and program. Minimal amounts of money spent yet outperform their foes in head-to-head competition year in and out. Overachievers.

USC - Robert Mondavi. Quality of product brought world wide recognition to their geographical areas. Widely popular and have become the standard bearer in their industry. Though a jealous few may call them overrated.

UCLA - Kendall Jackson. REALLY wants to be like Robert Mondavi. Looking for youth and enthusiasm to provide energy in a program that desires to move from behind the shadows of its cross town rival.

Washington - Bartels and Jaymes. Once a big time player. An easy choice for those looking for a change. Extremely relevant in the 80's and early 90's now largely forgotten.

Washington State - Château cardboard, aka "Boxed Wine", cheap, convenient, can be found easily at the local general store. Would have went with "Two Buck Chuck" here, but know there is not a Trader Joe's within 120 miles of Pullman. Plus it is obvious from this video that Cougar women don't need anything very sophisticated. PLEASE go to 1:42 on this video. You won't be disappointed!

SEC/USC fans you might want to start at 1:27.



Stay tuned to this blog as we reveal more comparisons. How do SEC schools stack up to your favorite liquor? What beer best represents your Big Ten school? Which woman is your Big 12 school most like?

Forget Something Mr. Hicks?

A couple weeks ago our blog had an entry on the definition of "Cougin' It". It didn't take to long for an ol' WAZZU Coug' to give us another example. Last week Cougar Xavier Hicks was pulled over on his way home from jail! He was serving a 45 day sentence for stealing a debit card and putting rubbing alcohol in his roommate's contact-lens.

Driving home from jail. Get pulled over a couple blocks from home and cited for driving on a suspended license. "Coug'd It."

A Breathing Legend

This weekend Alabama legend Kenny Stabler was arrested for his THIRD DUI charge! I think that the Alabama troopers were just testing out the newest product to hit the University of Alabama Bookstore. Watch out, it might be at a bookstore near you so you can help your own legend with his drinking problem, er Warren Moon?

College Football Tour Guide

Great stuff from one of our correspondents on The College Football Guys.

Want to check out more of his stuff? http://collegefootballtourguide.com/the_college_football_tour_guide.html

"Coug It"

Washington State cut ties yesterday with their top quarterback prospect. Calvin Schmidtke was freed from his letter of intent because it appears that he can't stay out of trouble with the authorities. He has been cited 11 times, in 18 months, for various violations, the most serious of which involve alcohol and drug trafficking. He was so close to fooling the coaches on the Palouse, yet in the end he couldn't get that D-1 scholy he coveted so. You could say that this kid has already shown some of the qualities Cougars are famous for. He "Coug'd it."

"Coug' it" is a saying that has become apart of Pacific Northwest resident's lexicon. Based on years and years of the Cougar football team's uncanny ability to get off to a great start only to see it evaporate in a cloud of losses in November. The phenomena has transcended the arena of sports and is now used to describe blowing for sure things at the last minute. You might define it as "snatching defeat from the almost certain clutches of victory." Find a way to use it this weekend and impress your friends of your knowledge of other cultures. Here are some examples to get you started.

Can't close the deal on a great date - "Coug'd it."

Poor interview causes you to loss out on a job offer that was all but a foregone conclusion - "You really Coug'd that one!"

Lose a game in the last out of the ninth inning - "We Coug'd that game!"

Didn't get that big sale even though you nailed the presentation - "Coug'd it!"

Fail a final exam that you only needed a C in to get an A in the class - "You really Coug'd that one away!"

Lost out on a college scholarship that you had already signed the letter of intent for - "Dude, I hope you didn't Coug' your life away."