Thursday, July 3, 2008

Our Favorite Women and The Big 12

From the land that prides itself with friendly, hard working people, come the most attractive women you have ever seen. Therefore it makes all the sense in the world to compare Big 12 programs with the women we have grown to love over the years. Enjoy!

Baylor - Tina Fey. Conservative dress and nature. Can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Colorado - Kathy Ireland. Had a couple huge years and was every one's Cinderella now is better known for selling furniture and intramural programs.

Iowa State - Jessica Simpson. Popular when matched with the right guy. Thinks a Cardinal is the same as a Cyclone. Another free trivia question: "What does I.O.W.A. stand for?"

Nebraska - Cindy Crawford. At one time the "super" standard by which others followed, however with time became old and outdated as others "passed" on by. Distinctive features that cannot be removed - a mole and Tom Osbourne. Maybe their school became a Coke campus...

Missouri - Victoria Beckham. Produced some nice hits in the past with a couple great teams. Overhauled to look younger. Now that they are married to a hot guy, they have become every one's sexy pick. "So Major!"

Kansas - Paris Hilton. Nobody is quite sure how they got where they are. Convinced they will crash very soon. One you enjoyed the tape, the other you hope you NEVER see...Mangino do NOT spend a night in Paris.

Kansas State - Demi Moore. Behind the scenes and solid for many years. Couple nice blockbusters. Ex husband is still in the mix. Trying to revive career with younger man.

Oklahoma - Pamela Anderson. Big, brash and performance enhanced under Switzer. Spent time with lesser suitors. Got back up with a surprising year, but still can't break back through with a big time win. Embarrassing "incidents" cost them money and respect.

Oklahoma State - Anna Nichole Smith. Married to famous oil billionaire. Famous outbursts, one in reality and one on reality TV. One hopes their future plays out a little differently.

Texas - Jenny McCarthy. America's favorite girl. Well dressed. Larger than life. Many consider them annoying. Made it big when "matched" with the right show/QB. Steady performer. Enjoys yearly shootout with similar looking rival.

Texas Tech - Carmen Electra. Aspires to be Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson. An electric offense capable of exploding at any moment. Has a crazy love of funny looking men - Prince, Dennis Rodman, pirates, and Yosemite Sam.

Texas A&M - Jennifer Aniston. Once one of our Friends now appears desperate for any one's love - John Mayer anyone...

BONUS: Texas A&M - Anna Kournikova. Favorite of all the guys. Focus placed on the pageantry and show over the actual play on the field. At least the Aggies have ONE title.

Idiots Out Wandering Around.

Check back next week for SEC and Big Ten comparisons.


  1. I thought IOWA stood for I oughta went around.

  2. And it's news to no one what the "N" on the Cornhuskers' helmets stands for...


  3. KU and Paris Hilton...sleazy.

  4. Your seriously using that 20 year old 5th grade Iowa joke in your column? Lame.

  5. What's lame is YOUR atrocious grammar.

  6. I think it's pretty creative...he must be from Iowa.

  7. That joke is ancient.

  8. IOWA: Intellects Out Wandering Around

  9. I grew up with "I Owe the World an Apology."

  10. Absolutely hilarious and right on. It's even better when you try to have some truth behind and don't just try to be funny. AWESOME!
    My Cats were nailed to a tee!

  11. I have always maintained that Iowa is the most worthless state in the country. "I owe the world an apology," that is great. There is a reason why we call it Counciltucky.

  12. Iowa is the most worthless?? Hmmm. Have you ever traveled anywhere? Have you been to the South? Or how about the Southwest? Nevada? Heck, even Nebraska is far more worthless and depressing right here in the midwest. Driving west, once you leave Lincoln, you have 400 miles of wasteland before hitting the east Colorado wasteland. Yes, CO has wasteland. No one talks about it, though, because they have mountains too. If anyone thinks Iowa is the most "worthless" state, I'd like to see the criteria that you are using.

  13. Drive thru northern Oklahoma sometime. You think Nebraska and Iowa are wastelands....... Let's not forget about Kansas; it's no paradise either. Eastern Colorado takes the cake though. OMG!