Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Real or Silicon?

I have to admit it. I need help! After attending our co-host's bachelor party this weekend in Vegas, I have questions. Questions I was hoping our sophisticated readers could answer. As everyone knows a group of male, 20-30 somethings in Vegas always gravitate towards the finer things in life, booze, women, gambling, food, hedonism and debauchery. You know the like. Of all these things, the one thing that puzzles this college football guy the most is the "gentleman's" club scene. The bewilderment is in the separation of reality and myth.

In the world of "adult entertainment" I know these things to be fact:

1. The scantily clad woman on the billboard out front of the club has NEVER been an employee of the club and there isn't anyone inside that looks like her.

2. The gentleman's club contains the only restroom, in America, that has more colon to choose from then the Estee Lauder counter at Macy's.

3. The parents of these poor ladies should be shot for naming their children after sweets and mountain ranges. Things a child should never have to live with.

4. Good news for those getting in the plastic surgery business, it seems there are plenty of impressionable women willing to pay for a bad job.

5. The five dollar steak dinner was purchased pre-cooked at Costco and reheated for your enjoyment.

6. NEVER enter a club that allows one to "BYOB!"

The following is what I am most confused about, are any of the stories the women tell true? I know the age old line, "I am doing this to get through college" only is true about .5% of the time, but what about these I heard this weekend?

"I don't tell a whole lot of people here this, but I graduated from Florida State with a education degree. I don't teach anymore cause I was always sick. I am a vegetarian, teach yoga and want to open a holistic health clinic."

"I moved here from San Fran a year and a half ago and was a cocktail waitress and thought I would try this out. I miss home, but I am having a great time!"

"I live in St. George (an 1:40 from Vegas) and drive in for a week, work, hang out and then go back home for a week. I love the outdoors and enjoy hiking somewhere and getting high!"

Was I duped? Are any of these stories real or are they silicon? One story that is real, former "dancer" Diablo Cody just won an academy award this weekend. I wonder what she used to tell her "clientele?"

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