In Need of Rivalry Smack?

"Rivalry Week" is here! The best two weekends of the year when your alma mater plays your hated rival. The time when the rest of the year disappears and the success of your season rests on the outcome of a single game.

A time to find that co-worker in your office that attended your rival school and start bombarding him with emails, prank phone calls, and text messages of all the most original rivalry jokes you have ever heard.

Many of these jokes seem so original and witty until you open your eyes to the world outside your state and see that most are just generic rivalry jokes used by every single school in the country.

So for those of you that don't have any good jokes, we are here to help. The following should get you through the morning, that is assuming these aren't used on you first! After lunch you are on your own...

Q: What does the average (hated university) student get on his SAT?

A: Drool
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get an (hated univ.) Graduate off your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the (hated univ.) grad say to the (beloved univ.) grad?

A: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order please?"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Hated Univ.) Player Finds Suspicious Powder

(Hated univ. city) News Report: Football practice in hated city was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, (insert name), immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the while substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get to (hated city) from (beloved city)?

A: You go north until you smell it and west until you step in it.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you hear about the (Hated univ.) terrorist sent to blow up the (beloved univ.) team bus?

A: Burned his lips on the tailpipe.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in (hated city)?

A: (Beloved City), (Correctly calculated # of) Miles.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do (hated univ.) cheerleaders and (hated univ.) quarterbacks have in common?

A: They're always on their backs.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get when you breed a (hated mascot) and a groundhog?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a good looking girl in (rival city/campus)?

A: A Tourist.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Then of coarse my favorite of all rivalry jokes:

(Rival Coach), after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded (hated univ.) flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Coach," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

(Hated Coach) felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a black and gold sidewalk, 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous (beloved univ.) flag and, in every window, a (beloved univ.) logo.

(Hated Coach) looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach, I won (insert any accolades). So why does (beloved coach) get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "(Hated coach), that's not (beloved coach)'s house, it's mine!"