Ingredients of an Upset

If your a team in a non-BCS conference and are looking for a way to pull the upset of a BCS power it seems we have found the solution. All you have to do is put together a cool song and a bad rap and you are good to go. Oh and you have to have some talent on the field as well.

ECU and Utah have both and showed it on Saturday.

"ACC's Little Sisters of the Poor." (8/28/08)

This weekend marks the start of college football, FINALLY! It also marks the first weekend of our weekly blog entry, Meet the "ACC's Little Sister's of the Poor."

While we know that most schools schedule programs from the FCS, Division I-AA, ranks the Almost College football Conference takes the cupcake to a new level this year with a collective 14 on the schedule. (This count doesn't include the mighty Hill Toppers of Western Kentucky that still are in a transition between divisions). The next most is the SEC and Big 12 with 10, from there it is the Big Ten with 9, Big East with 7 and the Pac Ten with 2.

It might not be soo bad if it wasn't for the fact that the "leaders" in the conference, Clemson, Florida State, Virginia Tech and Georgia Tech are playing 2 a piece (if we count WKU). Compounding the issue is the fact that the conference coaches and AD's said no to playing a 9th conference game.

So in order to help drive some sort of TV ratings and interest the ACC's way allow us to introduce to you this week's "ACC's Little Sister's of the Poor."

Delaware

Location: Newark, DE
Founded: 1743
Mascot: Fightin' Blue Hens
Conference: Colonial Athletic Association
Size: 16,000 undergrads
Most well known alumni: Rich Gannon - NFL Quarterback, George "Bad to the Bone" Thorogood
Why you might know them: Not only do they share nearly the same colors as Michigan, they also have the same helmet look as the Wolverines. Something else they have in common with the boys in Ann Arbor, they couldn't beat App. State last year either.

McNeese St

Location: Lake Charles, LA
Founded: 1939
Mascot: Cowboys
Conference: Southland
Size: About 7000 undergrads
Most well known alumni: Besides TCFG's co-host Ethan Bush, Joe Dumars - guard for the Detroit Pistons.
Interesting facts: The Cowboys played in the inaugural Independence Bowl in 1976. In the early part of this decade the University of Wyoming sued McNeese for having similar looking logos. You can see that the school from Lake Chuck lost that match up.

Charleston Southern

Location: Charleston, SC
Founded: 1969
Mascot: Bucky the Buccaneer
Conference: Big South
Size: 3,300
Most well known alumnus: Terry Mooney - You don't know who he is? Well he is one heck of a golfer because he won a "spiffy pre-owned Saturn sports coupe" at the 15th Annual Buccaneer Club Corporate Cup Golf Tournament.
Interesting fact: CSU's enrollment is just about 1000 undergrads smaller than ACC member Wake Forest. At 4,300 the Demon Deacons have Division I-A's (FBS) smallest student body.

Jacksonville State

Location: Jacksonville, AL
Founded: 1883
Mascot: Gamecocks
Conference: Ohio Valley
Enrollment: 9,000
Most well known alumni: Randy Owen - lead singer for the country group Alabama. Rick Burgess and Bill "Bubba" Bussey - Co-hosts of the "Rick and Bubba: Morning Show"
Why you might know them: On August 30, 2001, Ashley Martin became the first female football player to score a point in a Division I kicking 3 extra points in a 72-10 drubbing of Cumberland University. School set in the Appalachians of Alabama also happens to be the new school of former LSU QB, Ryan Perrilloux.

James Madison

Location: Harrisonburg, VA
Founded: 1908
Mascot: The Dukes, Duke Dog
Conference: Colonial Athletic Association
Size: 16,000 undergrads
Most well known alumni: Charles Haley - LB/DE won 5 Super Bowls for Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco 49ers. Scott "wide-right" Norwood - K, Buffalo Bills. Elliott Sadler, NASCAR driver.
Why you might know them: Became a co-ed school in 1966 only 19 years after ACC member Florida State. In the fall of 2006 the JMU Board of Visitors received much attention and criticism for cutting 10 sports to comply with Title IX. Even a letter from the US Olympic Committee. Objectors felt it was unfair that football wasn't touched. Maybe they shouldn't have invited the boys to school in the first place?

Don't Forget to Flash Your Colors!

Don't forget to annoy your co-workers today by sporting your favorite school's colors!

Today is College Colors Day!

Everyone should be in a great mood today, unless you happen to be a member of the Wolfpack or Beaver nation. For you I can see that cute, no-nothing about sports, front desk receptionist in your office, you know the one you've thought of taking to dinner about 12 times, asking in that sweet, peppy little voice, "So how was the game last night?" Go ahead and prepare yourself now for the response you give because if and when you decide to ask her out someday, you don't want her to remember the tears you shed in her arms about what in her mind is "just a game..."

"Got any Dixie in Ya?"

"Want some?"

That pick up line will get you ALL the ladies!

This is a post we did WAY back in March, but with today being the official start to college football, it is important to know where you stand on this issue before you even turn the tube on for the first game...

When it comes to the world of college football we all know that there is a huge divide between the North and South. It's as if "The War Between The States" never ended. Knowing this, it is important to discover where you stand on the Mason-Dixon Line. With this in mind we offer a simple test. I know it maybe old and you may have seen it before, but take it again! Who knows how much back-to-back SEC National Champs has affected your brain?

BTW - If you still think the Big Ten/Eleven is better than the SEC skip to the next blog entry, we already know your a funny wawlkin' and tawlkin' yank'.

Oh - There is no test for our "sick" friends from "So Cal, Bra!" Just take this one and see what happens.

Yankee or Dixie Test Here

Slum Lord's Response

Didn't take long for a witty Trojan to give this response.

No More Slum Lords Here!

Rick Neuheisel and this great ad in the LA Times this week.

USC, it appears your tenants are getting a little tired of living in those crappy little green houses. They are looking to buy back Pasadena Blvd. Time to send the Constable to put down the rebellion.

We will see what the ad looks like in next week's paper, after Rocky Top pays a visit on Monday... "Slum Rebellion Suppressed by Pack of Wild Coon Hounds."

Your Satisfaction Guaranteed!

If you build it they will come.

Apparently that only works if you are Kevin Costner and live in the middle of Iowa...

From the school that brought you a politically correct color as a nickname (The Cardinal represents the color, not the bird), a tree for a mascot, and a band that can't afford real uniforms. The homogenized campus experience at Stanford University now brings the college football fan the "Gridiron Guarantee." If a fan purchases the new "Family Plan" season ticket package they can apply for a refund at the end of the season if they are unsatisfied with the "entertainment value" on the field.

What about this year's USC game you ask? It appears that all requests for refunds must be completed before the Nov. 15th rematch of last year's upset...

The $100 million renovation of Stanford Stadium, in 2006, took the venue from a maximum attendance of over 85,000 to 55,500. The reduction in numbers was done to bring the stadium up to date and produce a more intimate feel for games. However the new digs combined with organic hot dogs on whole wheat buns, free tickets to students, and a visit from the University of Notre Dame has yet to produce a sellout. Even the 25th anniversary of the "Big Game's" "The band is on the field!" vs. Cal was 6,000 tickets short of being a sell out. Maybe "Not Really That Big of a Game" would be a better name for the rivalry.


This college football guy thinks that Stanford is having a hard time competing with the "entertainment" that is going on off the field, and across the bay, in Bezerkley, CA. Have to admit watching feces getting thrown from trees has a higher "entertainment value" than QB, Tavita Pritchard attempting thrill the Cardinal crowd.

Week One for TCFG's is HERE!

College football is back and now is your chance to listen to The College Football Guys latest podcast!

Which is the strongest conference in the NCAA this year? The Big 12 or the SEC? Who is going to win Alabama/Clemson, Illinois/Missouri, Tenn/UCLA, NC State/South Carolina, MSU/Cal, Fresno State/Rutgers, FAU/Texas, Utah/Michigan and many more!! What exciting Division I-AA games does the ACC have in store for us this weekend?

Oh, and LSU, Appalachian State is HOT! HOT! HOT! Watch out!

All this and more on this weeks edition of The College Football Guys!

The Last Great American Sport

Every four years the Olympics reminds Americans throughout the country just how cool it is to be patriotic and cheer on the "home" team. But it also raises the question, "What is truly 'American' anymore?"

When Budweiser, "The Great American Lager," is Belgium owned it is hard to know what is American and what is not. This is becoming more and more true in sports. Just like the "Lager" several sports still claim to be American, but are they really? If they aren't, does a truly American sport still exist? Good news my friends, one does still exist and its games begin on Thursday!

Why is there only one true American sport left and what happened to make this a reality? Keep reading and you will see what makes college football the Last Great American Sport.

College football begins on Labor Day Weekend, the last official weekend of America's summer.

MLB, "America's Pastime," held its 2008 opening day game in Tokyo, Japan and like the crazy gymnastics tie breaker rule, an exhibition game decides home field advantage for the World Series.

Wasn't New Year's Day created for college football? If there were no bowl games would January 1st still be a holiday? BTW - This is an advantage the NCAA has over other sports that they are slowly trying to give away, however that is a discussion for another day.

NASCAR, a sport started in America's south introduced a foreign plate last year, Toyota, and with the help of Joe Gibbs Racing, they are currently dominating the field.

The NFL owned NFL Europe, plays regular season games in Mexico and London, and the Bills are sneaking out the back door, leaving the blue-collar fans in Buffalo for the Canadians of Toronto.

The rise of the Euro combined with the dreams of European multi-millionaires, has brought much talk about NBA players jumping ship for riches across the pond. Some McDonald's "All-Americans" have already beat them too it.

What is more American than smoking a hog, drinking a beer, watching football and enjoying your favorite campus all from the comfort of your "tailgate?"

Rivalries still exist in college football. Free agency has killed rivalries in the pros. When OU and Texas play it is for state pride and watch your scrotum. TO has played for the 49ers, Eagles, and even after dishonoring the field at Texas Stadium, Cowboy fans have embraced him as one of their own.

College football has the Holiday Bowl, not the Christmas Bowl, or the Kwanzaa Bowl, or the Hanukkah Bowl, or even the Festivus Bowl, but the Holiday Bowl. What is more American than this generic, politically correct name?

No David Beckham needed in college football! Plus there are a 100,000 co-eds, on campuses all across the country that look way better than Posh. They are indeed "So Major!"

ESPN College Gameday is built by the Home Depot. What is more American than a sponsor that assists in the upkeep, remodel, and update of your "American Dream?"

Lastly, as much as most of us hate it, college football is the only sport that is decided in the most democratic of ways, a popular vote.

What do you think makes college football the Last Great American Sport? Let us know.

My Very Educated Mother...

Ever find yourself trying to figure out whether a team is in the Mountain West or the WAC? Have a hard time remembering what programs comprise the ACC Coastal or Atlantic Divisions? We here at The College Football Guys have found a solution to your problems.

When we were children our teachers taught us a handy system to remember our planets. Remember it? Sing together with me, "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizza-Pies!" The system we learned is known as a first letter mnemonic device. A memory aid that relies on associations between easy-to-remember constructs which can be related back to the data that is to be remembered. In this case using a phrase whose first letters are associated with a list.

Since the Mountain West broke away from the WAC to form their own conference in 1999 it has been difficult for even the most diehard college football fan to distinguish the difference between the two. San Diego State is not even close to the "Mountain States" and TCU isn't near a mountain or even in the west. Go figure! Hopefully this mnemonic devices will help jog your memory.

Mountain - Mountain West
Aged - Air Force
Buffalo - BYU
Can - Colorado State
Not - New Mexico
Swim - SDSU
To - TCU
Las Vegas - UNLV
Under - Utah
Water - Wyoming

Since WAC member Boise State installed their artifical blue turf there has been constant rumors about birds making their final flight into the Smurf Turf mistaking it for a lake. With this in mind the following poem should help you remember those crazy WAC programs. (The conference of the "State" schools)

WACky - WAC
Birds - Boise State
Fly - Fresno State
Hard - Hawaii
Into - Idaho
Replica - Nevada-Reno
Lake - La Tech
Near - New Mexico State
State - San Jose State
University - Utah State

When looking at a map the divisions of the ACC makes little sense. There is no clean cut north/south, or even east/west border, rather the break up was done with vague locations, "Atlantic" and "Coastal." However these catchy phrases should help you remember the difference.

Atlantic - Atlantic
Men - Maryland
Never - NC State
Boast - Boston College
When - Wake Forest
Farts - Florida State
Converge - Clemson

Could - Coastal
Virtual - Virginia (Tech)
TECHnology - Tech
Give - Georgia (Tech)
My - Miami
Dad - Duke
Vicious - Virginia
Nausea? - North Carolina

Think of anything better? We have placed our mnemonics that didn't make the cut in the comments section. Let us know what you got, or how you remember which teams are in which conference.

Independents as Independents

In case you haven't noticed the incessant campaign coverage of McCain and Obama, the presidential election is upon us. This time of the year election signs litter EVERY corner of the town and "class" up even the nicest of neighborhoods.

This election has reminded us that while we have compared the Pac-10 to wine, the Big 12 to women, the SEC to liquor, the ACC to super heroes, the Big East to TV shows, and the Big 10 to beer, we have not even touched the Independents of college football.

Those free spirit programs that think it is better off on your own remind us of free spirited politicians that can't be bogged down with the baggage of a single party. How is that working for them? Seems about as well as these independents.

Notre Dame - Ross Perot. Though a Naval Academy graduate, just look at the picture above. Close your eyes. Envision the picture in your brain. Now imagine a green, fedora hat on Perot's head. Open your eyes. Can you honestly tell me you don't see the resemblance? Both have exorbitant amounts of money. The 90's included a lot of big talk from these small men. In their respective fields, Oklahoma State and Boone Pickens have become more relevant these days.

Navy - Joseph Lieberman. Strong on defense. Currently very popular and successful. Former Navy coach, Paul Johnson was leered into coaching for Georgia Tech. Lieberman is rumored to be a front runner to become the VP candidate with Naval Academy grad, McCain.

Army - Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Former title holders in their respective sports. However neither are very entertaining at the game of football, even if it is Vince McMahon's XFL. "The Body" was owned by the Navy Seals in Vietnam, Army has been owned by Navy losing a rivalry high 6th straight this year.

Football's Ten Commandments - Women's Edition

Gentlemen. It seems turn about is fair play!

Strolling through our email inbox the other day we ran across a response from, Cary Luhn in Asheville, NC, to our post Football's Ten Commandments, an outline for how our significant others should behave during the college football season. The following is a woman's response to that entry.

If any of you forwarded the original post to your significant others, this one might get you out of the doghouse. Ladies if your college football guy proudly printed and pasted the first "commandments" on the fridge as a daily reminder, you have every right to do the same with this response.

"Here is the female response to these "commandments".

1. We will give you control of the TV from August through December. We will limit our complaining. In return, we control the TV for the rest of the year, and can watch HGTV and Food Network anytime. You will limit your complaining.

2. We will crawl on the floor so as not to interrupt your viewing, but you will be expected to vacuum all the crumbs, dirt, and dog hairs we will naturally see upon such close examination the following morning.

3. We'll read the sports section or pretend to know what you are talking about. But, about this yelling thing? Do not talk to the players on TV, especially in first names. You don't know these people, so you are most definitely not on a first name basis with them – no matter how good or bad the play is. Besides, it calls us to seriously question your sanity, and we'd hate for you to be locked up in a mental hospital and miss the Poinsettia Bowl.

4. You can be as drunk as you want during the game and we'll oblige, but you will still be expected to help us with whatever we need on Sunday (or Friday, or Saturday) morning. How early it is depends on how drunk and obnoxious you are – the drunker, the earlier.

5. We will gladly keep a stocked fridge of Bud Light Lime and fresh vegetables and fruit for you to snack on until your heart is content.

6. First, honey, you are in the South, and we do know as much about football as you. We understand that it is more than a game. If you need help expressing your anger and frustration, we'll let you clean the house, run errands, and such. That is how we regularly work out our frustrations with our husbands, and it works, because we do not have 10 Commandments to help wives survive life with husbands.

7. Did you say gifts?

8. Well, as much as I would like to, I really can't control when babies are born. It would seem, according to your commandments, that you are only able to drink, watch TV and yell from August through bowl season. One can infer that the act that results in babies must be saved for January through April,which, according to the laws of nature, inevitably results in babies being born in Football Season. So either you (and your cohorts) give in some during football season, or you go to baby showers when I request, k?

9. Umm, if halftime is a chance for you to go check scores of other games on the internet or call your buddies to talk about the games, then it is also a chance for me to say whatever I have held in for the past hour and a half. And, this one can go both ways. Herbstriet is good looking, and I am particularly interested in what he has to say. He is, to us women, what Erin Andrews is to you men. So, shut up and I'll shut up.

10. Yes, dear, we know you are immune to it. There is a fantasy team starting every other month. The ESPN ticker image is burned on to our TV. The computer is overheating from your furious surfing to all the sports sites. We say this because we know it pushes your buttons. I'm just glad it only lasts a few months."

Have a witty response to our blog entries? Send them our way! We enjoy reading what you have to say. You can email us at email@thecollegefootballguys.com or comment on the Comment link below any of our posts.

Most Overrated Games in 2008

Every preseason, college football fans across the country take a look at their helmet schedules and start circling games that they think will be the best of the season. Once these games get circled we find that some simply don't pan out to be as good as what we all expected. When you go to circle your "must watch games" this year, make sure that you avoid these games. We promise there will something better on another channel.

Tennessee @ UCLA - This game is getting much hype simply because it is the first of two games pitting the "east-coast biased whining," Pac Ten fans against the "we're better than anyone because we care more," SEC fans. Much like last year's Tenn/Cal game it really told us nothing about either team. Tennessee got beat by Cal in a "hostile" environment that included about a 1/3 Vol fans and marked Cal's only sellout crowd. UT went on to come a couple plays short of being SEC champs and Cal crashed towards a 6-6 record. Let's hope those 35,000+ Tennessee/SEC fans enjoy their experience in the Rose Bowl.

USC @ UCLA - Another game that is being over hyped purely for the "Neuheisel" affect. UCLA couldn't make anything happen last year with 20 returning starters and without a QB for the first month of the season they are in for another disappointing year. By the time Dec. 6th rolls around, if USC has more than one loss, no one outside of California will care. America's attention will be focused solely on the Big 12 and SEC Championship Games that will largely dictate who will be playing in the BCS Championship.

USF @ WVU - This game sets itself up nicely as what looks to be the "unofficial" Big East championship game on Dec. 6th, however by the time it rolls around it will NOT decide the Big East title. Does anyone remember what was said about the Louisville @ WVU game at the beginning of 2007? That game became insignificant when Louisville found themselves 5-4 coming into Morgantown. This year roles reverse as WVU finds out the hard way it is a little harder to win without Rich Rod on the sidelines. A talent loaded USF team becomes the best of the Big East this year and beats the Mountaineers for the third consecutive year on its way to a BCS birth.

Alabama @ LSU - While EVERYONE in Baton Rouge is talking about the return of "Satan" to Death Valley this game will not live up to the typical SEC soap opera off the field. LSU is missing a proven QB and by Nov. 8th Alabama just won't be in the SEC West race. What could make this interesting is if some how, some way, Saban mysteriously disappears somewhere between the hotel and the field... When are Bayou Bengal fans going to start making Saban Voodoo Dolls?

Michigan @ Ohio State - I know, I know. I hear the screams from Ann Arbor and Columbus as we speak! This match up is argued by most to be THE rivalry in college football, however this Nov. 22nd it will simply be a great rivalry and have little significance on the national scene. By the forth Saturday in Nov. Michigan will simply be struggling to get bowl eligible. Ohio State will roll and finish its season on top, ready to wait the 2+ months to play in its third consecutive BCS Championship game.

TCFG's 2008 Preseason Prediction Show!

FINALLY! Our Preseason Prediction Show is here for your enjoyment!

The college football season is closing in on us and no preseason would be complete without The College Football Guys Preseason Predictions show!

Join The College Football Guys as they give you their thoughts on the AP top 25, the BCS Championship contenders, their Heisman candidates, and who will be this year's Boise State/Hawaii. Also is it time for a playoff system to decide who is the number one PARTY SCHOOL in the land? Who do these Princeton Review guys think they are? Bo Pelini Polka and much, much more!

Click here. Press play and enjoy!

Football's Ten Commandments

We here at The College Football Guys.com received this forward, of a forward that was posted on Tiger Droppings, whose poster got it from someone else, so we are mearly acting as a conduit and passing it on to you.

Here are the Ten Commandments for your significant other and how they should behave when dealing with you this football season. Print them off today and place them on the refrigerator to make sure there is no confussion. Enjoy!

1. From the last weekend in August until the end of the bowl season, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be canceled for a month.

2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.

3. During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you understand who I'm yelling at during the season. As a tip, check the box scores for the referees names too.

4. During the games I will be drunk as Cooter Brown. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, kill any spiders, answer the phone, etc. It ain't gonna happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say I'll get over it, it ' s only a game, or don't worry, they'll win next time. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called ' words of encouragement ' will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo. If my team wins, you will be showered with gifts for the next 6 days. If they lose, you will be blamed repeatedly for moving, blinking or secretly not believing in your heart of the power of mojo.

8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach ' Code Blue ' .

9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. College Game day and the highlights on Saturday night are just as important as the games themselves. Even if I curse Lou, Herbie, and Corso, I still want to hear what they say.

10. And finally, please save your expressions such as: ' Thank God the football season is only during the Fall. ' I am immune to these words, because after this comes the NFL playoffs, the Pro Bowl, AFL, AFL2, the CFL, and the replays on the college sports channels.

Burning Desire

It appears that Gold Bond's relationship with USC football is on the mend. After years of being the official "junk reliever" of the Cardinal and Gold, a relationship so tight that Gold Bond even marketed themselves with USC colors, Gold Bond and USC have kissed and made up.

The Trojans today admitted to acting like a big jerk and are in desperate need of Gold Bond's healing touch after an outbreak of "jock itch" hit camp. As many as 25% of USC players have been afflicted with the "epidemic."

Do you hate the University of Spoiled Children? The House Rock Built brings all of you a better acronym to wear on your chest. Enjoy!

BTW - we here at The College Football Guys.com expect a finders fee when you purchase this shirt.

Dem is Fightn' Words

The always dapper FAU coach, Howard Schnellenberger, has stirred the pot for the Owls' Aug 30th meeting verse Texas. In an interview with the school newspaper Schnellenberger stated, "Texas always has a very polished team that has great talent, but they aren’t tough, they aren’t a physically tough team."

Coach is also quoted as saying, "My defense will get to a point where they will be mean, nasty and ornery bastards and that’s what you need for Texas." That may be true, but I think that he is thinking of September 30th, not August 30th, when they face the Mighty Blue Raiders of Middle Tennessee State.

Texas fans are all upset.

Why?

Maybe because what coach said is true. Texas looked so tough last year against Arkansas State (21-13 W), K-State (21-41 L), and at UCF (35-32 W) that they embarassed themselves out of the top ten.

Seems that Longhorns need someone besides Mack Brown to motivate them. When similar comments were made by Rudy Carpenter before the Holiday Bowl last year they smashed the trash talking QB.

If I could be Like Mike!

It appears that Georgia coach Mark Richt was inspired by Michael Phelps performance at the pool and thought, "Anything Mike can do I can do better!" With that thought in mind he took Tuesday's practice to the UGA aquatic center where players were challenged to take the plung from 33 ft in the air.

At the end, the feeling of patritism over took Richt as he stood at attention on the top of the platform, saluted the crowd and said, "Thank you lifeguards, and (jumping from platform) G-O-D B-L-E-S-S A-M-E-R-I-C-A!" (SPLASH!)

Will see if trying to be like the best in the world will translate into being the best in the country. At least they didn't jump "over the wall."

Head Coach Found!

It appears that The College Football Guys have found a coach for the 2008 Pre-Season All-Jackass Team! Coach Urban Myer reinstated DE Ronnie Wilson who was suspended from the team after an April 2007 incident involving an AK-47. So much for having young men with excellent character. This college football guy might have to take back all those nice things I have said about Gatorville.

The 911 recording is great! It is like listening to the last words of a man being chased by a 6'-4" 315 lb man shooting an AK in the air. Wait that is exactly what it is!

Good news for Florida fans. This is just another indication that Florida is on its way to another national championship. In the early 80's, when Oklahoma was winning title after title with Barry Switzer, there was all sorts of excitement going on off the field. One such incident involved WR Buster Rhymes "busting out" his Uzi and firing it in the air to break up a snow ball fight! Oh that Brian Bozworth tells the BEST stories. Have his Stone Cold royalty checks run out? Maybe he should collaborate with Canseco to break open steroids in the NFL and NCAA?

One thing is for sure "The Chosen One" has his work cut out for him saving the lost soles on his own team.

Decision '08 (Florida @ FSU)

We here at The College Football Guys.com continue in our quest to find out who is going to win this year's most interesting non conference games based solely on the attractiveness of the women on campus. Today we will take a look at the November 29th Florida vs. Florida State match up in Tallahassee, FL.

We thought we would make this task a little more challenging and limit our pictures to 1.) PG and 2.) No Jenn Sterger or Erin Andrews allowed. While we thought that would be a challenge, it really wasn't. What was I thinking by choosing to go to school in the rainy northwest!?

Vote now on which school has the best looking women. Only your vote can help decide this year's winner.

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?


Need more Florida girls?

Watch Your Step!

Something is in the water in LA these days. Freak injuries are happening everywhere.

USC QB Mark Sanchez went down in Friday's practice with a dislocated knee. Sanchez injured his knee while jumping and tossing a warm-up pass. It is reported that he will be returning before the season opener.

Across town UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel took another hit as his QB also hit the dirt in Saturday's practice. UCLA's Ben Olsen hurt himself for the SECOND time in five months and about the millionth time in what seems like year 10 of his tenure at UCLA. Ben broke his foot while backing away from center, the EXACT same way he broke it in spring drills. He will be out for at least 2 months! Hey Norm Chow, it might be time to put the shot gun in.

This leaves the Bruins with Kevin Craft, a junior college transfer, and redshirt freshman Chris Forcier to compete for the starting job. About the same position that Rick left the Baltimore Ravens in for 2008. If neither of these kids work they might have to see if Rick can petition the NCAA for a 6th year of eligibility. Don't beat on that getting approved.

This event, coupled with the soup opera that is Rich Rodriguez at Michigan, leads us to ask, "Which new coach has had the worst beginning?" - Slick Rick or Rich Rod?

DUI Attorney or Stadium Answers

Everyone was a good sport last week trying to guess which names were a DUI attorney or a NCAA football stadium. For those of you that listened to our podcast you already know the answers, but for those that slacked here they are.

Carter Finley - NC State's Stadium
Dunham Rogers - DUI attorney in Austin, TX
Sean Sullivan - DUI attorney in Las Vegas. Might want to keep that one for future reference.
Dowdy Ficklen - Home of the East Carolina Univ. Pirates.
Joan Edwards - Thundering Herd of Marshall Univ.'s home.
William Kibbie - The Idaho Vandals protect this house!
Casey Mulligan - DUI attorney in Boulder, CO. How about a Mulligan?
John Scheumann - Stadium for Ball State.
J. Layne Smith - Tallahassee DUI attorney. I am sure he is on Seminole speed dial.
Jason Dunkle - State College, PA DUI attorney. He has stayed plenty busy this year.
Kelly Shorts - Chippewas of Central Michigan's home.
Clarence Martin - Cougar's home on the Palouse of Washington State.
John Lloyd - Tuscaloosa, AL DUI attorney.
Wallace Wade - Always sold out home of the Duke Blue Devils. Also the home of the 1942 Rose Bowl.

Baked Coaches?

Pineapple Express hit the big screen yesterday and the wheels started turning in the minds of The College Football Guys thinking about what coaches out there might be coaching "under the influence." The coaches below show a few of the tell tale effects Maryjane has on a body.


June Jones, SMU. Talks at a single octave and at about 2 words/minute. Drug Effects - Clouded judgement, swore up and down that Colt was not a system QB and that Hawaii had a chance against Georgia. Road the "Pineapple Express" all the way to Dallas.











Ty Willingham Washington His monotone voice and serious demeanour might be mistaken for being stoned out of your mind. Drug Effects - He is EXTREMELY paranoid about reporters as he requires closed practices with high security. When listening to his press conferences you are not sure whether to laugh of be scared.


Jim Tressel, Ohio State. His Value Village style sweeter vests remind us of Donald Sutherland's character, Prof. Dave Jennings in Animal House. Drug Effects - Looks especially dazed when facing an SEC team (WILL THAT JOKE EVER END?)








Dave Wannstedt, Pitt. Drug Effects - His constant bed head and sloppy dress make it look like he is recovering from a three day binge.











Jeff Tedford, California. Obvious choice since daily he gets a contact high from the hippies outside his office. Drug Effect - players seem to lack the motivation to get to the next level.




Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Another case of suspected contact high in Boulder. Drug Effects - Can't wait to RV through the state and "meet" with fans. "Say, brotha, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did!"







Jim Leavitt, USF. Closest college football has to its own Spicoli. Drug Effects - Hallucination causing the coach to think he is actually playing in the game, preparing by running wind sprints in pregame.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."










Ralph Friedgen, Maryland and Mark Mangino, Kansas. What stoner/coach bit would be complete without including any mention of the munchies. Drug Effect - It is obvious these coaches have had the munchies once or twice in there lives.

"Bezerkley Express"

The guys who brought you Superbad are at it again! After a mere two second absence from the big screen, Seth Rogen is back as Pineapple Express hits theaters today! What promises to be an entertaining and funny movie includes the largest budget ever for a "stoner" flick.

Big money spent on stoners reminded us of a couple other organizations that "enjoy" spending big money on potheads - the City of Berkeley, CA and the University of California. What is going on in the half baked, city by the bay?

Here is the quick and dirty bong water on the situation.

* Three hippies are left in the trees and have been there since December 2006. (Wouldn't it have been something to see that kind of commitment out of the Cal football team last year?)

* Judge Barbara Miller issued a preliminary injunction on Jan. 29, 2007, which temporarily stopped the construction of a university planned athletic training facility. Two weeks ago she issued a ruling that allows the project to go forward stating the university has addressed her main concerns about the project.

* The ruling has been appealed by two plaintiff groups keeping the injunction in place until the 13th of August.

* However the injunction could be removed as early as next week and if the state Court of Appeal doesn't grant a stay. Once removed the university is clear to begin construction.

* The university has asked for more city support to control tree protest supporters.

Below is an "informative" report from the Fan Media Network. Poor, poor football players and their extra half a mile walk to the stadium. It is obvious they don't know the meaning of 212 degrees like their UC "bear cubs" in LA.

Bottom line, this whole thing could get VERY interesting next week. My advise to the protesters, get really baked on the good ganja this week as it appears the jig is up.

When the haze settles, be careful out there. Running Wolf and his posse of regulators might be headed to your college town to stop the construction of your new multi-million dollar athletic facility. I can hear the battle cry now!

Regulators. We regulate any cuttin' of these here trees, we're DAMN good too. But you can't be any hippie off the street. You've gotta be handy with the tow lines and the pee bottles if you know what I mean, earn your keep. Regulators Mount Up!

I just hope they all at least get a cameo in Seth's sequel "Pineapple Express Tokes Again."

Polka time EVERYONE!

We here at The College Football Guys have long established the fact that Nebraska fans are just a little crazy. Today we found more proof.

We discovered a polka song written by a Nebraska fan saluting head coach Bo Pelini. This will probably serve as the new entrance song for the mighty "Huskers" this season.

We know you want to hear it...click here and press play on the first posted song.

If you want to hear something really disturbing just press play on the "Nebraska Nation" song located on the same page. SCARY!!

After all "N" is for Nebraska Nation!

The Cover Don't Lie!

We here at The College Football Guys were REALLY trying to avoid the whole Brett Favre fiasco, however it has become increasingly difficult to do so.

Should the Pack keep him? Trade him? Make him go away!?

What a circus this has all become! Welcoming party at the airport like he is the second coming of The Beatles! Maybe John McCain should pay Brett $20 million to go on the road and help "market" his struggling presidential campaign?

In all of this hubbub it seems that GM Ted Thompson is missing an obvious clue to determine what this season will bring. A devise more accurate than the Magic 8 ball he has been using to make all his decisions in this process. ("Will Brett Favre be a Packer?" the 8 ball told me "Outlook not so good".)

"What is this famous prognosticating devise you speak of?" Why the Madden '09 cover of course!

In April the fellas at EA Sports thought it would be cute to break the "Madden Curse" by placing a "retired" player on the cover. Little good that has done! Maybe the true reason Favre is coming back is to take on the greatest challenge of all - breaking "The Curse."

Mr. Thompson, the decision is clear. Trade Favre before August 12th, Madden's release date. Before everyone is reminded about the hex hanging over Favre's head this year. What a great opportunity to put a hex on to your division rivals!

DUI Attorney or NCAA Stadium?

The two most recent DUI arrests of Kentucky QB Curtis Pulley and Arkansas WR Marques Wade are just a couple of the MANY DUI issues that have continued to plague the college football landscape. This has given us yet another opportunity to have a little fun and promote our podcast in the process.

Once one has been arrested for a DUI it becomes extremely important to find adequate representation and find it fast. There are SO many DUI attorney's out there and SO many of their names remind us of college football stadiums. In order to help these young men out and to test your knowledge of Division I-A/FBS college football stadiums, we have produced the following list.

Which of these names represents a DUI attorney or a college football stadium? Good Luck!

Carter Finley
Dunham Rogers
Sean Sullivan
Dowdy Ficklen
Joan Edwards
William Kibbie
Casey Mulligan
John Scheumann
J. Layne Smith
Jason Dunkle
Kelly Shorts
Clarence Martin
John Lloyd
Wallace Wade

The answers can be found in the latest edition of our podcast. Click here and push play!

Up in Pictures

Dave Heeke knows a couple things about marketing and billboards. When he was at the University of Oregon he helped get a 10 story poster of future Detroit Lion's great Joey Harrington in Times square. (A billboard that spurred Washington State to paste a banner on the side of a grain elevator, in Dusty, WA, for Jason Gesser's "Heisman campaign.")

As the current athletic director at Central Michigan, Heeke has done it again. This time it is the Chippewa's star QB Dan LeFevour at Comerica Park in downtown Detroit.

It seems to this college football guy Heeke is just taking advantage of an opportunity. He has a Heisman candidate at QB. A team with that runs an entertaining offense. A city that is hurting financially needs entertainment on a budget more than any place else. $20 a game to see an entertaining offense is a steal. What else are you going to do? Watch the Detroit Lions? Over pay to see the Michigan Wolverines and the Rich Rod soup opera?

This should be a good year for the Central Michigan athletic department.

Besides everyone knows "Champions Come Standard at CMU!"