The SEC as Liquor

Good looking women. Hot muggy summers. Southern hospitality. Sweet tea. Coke. Rebel attitude.

The south has provided all this and more to the American public. However the most important is the south's love of Spirits.

NASCAR, an entire sports industry, was built around a southern moonshiner's ability to outrun the authorities. It is the efforts of these brave men that saved America the liquid we all enjoy. Liquor is important stuff to these folks. Therefore it makes perfect sense that we compare their teams to the hooch we love so much.

Tennessee - Wild Turkey. Just as the clothes worn to the game, both can be used on your next hunting trip. No need to repack that 4X4. Just whistle for Smokey the hound, and go.

Vanderbilt - Jack Daniels Single Barrel. Not a bourbon, not an Admiral, not Ivy League, and definitely not Woodford's Reserve, but acts like it is.

Kentucky - Maker's Mark. Good solid bourbon that is content to be second best on its own campus. Enjoys a more laid back approach to life.

South Carolina - Old Crow. Mixed with sweetener makes a poor man's mint julep. Straight up it is too hard and abrasive(like a drink from a fire hydrant). The added flavor makes it more soft and subtle like the football team. Enjoys riding the coattails of the once successful.

LSU - Everclear aka Ethanol. No matter how popular and trendy they have become in recent years, when you break it all down it still just moonshine. James Carville is their biggest fan. Makes "drinking the Kool-Aid" that much easier.

Alabama - Patron. New spin on an old classic. Drinking it will make you feel like Superman and repress bad memories of the recent past. At the bottom of it all is still a big ol' worm.

Auburn - Jose Quervo Tradicional. Another case of mistaken identity. Inferior complex to 'Bama Nation. Popular in its own region, but never going to be as hip and recognizable as Patron no matter how many times in a row they beat 'em.

Florida - Grey Goose. Not the old Russian standard. This program and liquid is young, hip, good looking, and successful. "A liquor as pure and clean as the heart of Tim Tebow!"

Georgia - Smirnoff. Traditional program that is trying hard to be as young and hip as their rival. Mark Richt and Red Bull have given them wings.

Arkansas - Moonshine. Drinking it will make you crazy enough to drive your head coach right out of town. May also induce involuntary seizures that make you perform a hideous noise affectionately known as "The Hog Call."

Ol' Miss - Absolut CITRON. When paired with cranberry juice makes a fancy and pretty Cosmo for the fancy and pretty women in "The Grove." Take a taste of it on the field and you will experience how horrible it really is. Coach Nutt has no McFadden in the Oxford stable to make it taste any better.

Mississippi State - Malt Liquor. Believe they are the real thing. Drinking too much makes everything sound better with cow bells. Bottom of the barrel until late in the night or season then it’s palatable. "We need more COW BELL!"


Need to see the whole skit? Here you go.

Decision '08 (Tenn @ UCLA) Final Day

This is it! The final installment for the battle of which team has the best looking women, Tennessee or UCLA? Vote now and vote proud! This game should be a great way to kick off the '08 season on Sunday night, Sept 1st in Pasadena!

Coming soon, Ohio State @ USC! Again if you have anything to add you can send it to email@thecollegefootballguys.com.

UCLA?

Tennessee?

UCLA?

Tennessee?

UCLA?

Some more shots of UCLA annual undies dash.

Tennessee?

UCLA?

Tennessee?

Thanks!

We here at The College Football Guys wanted to take a moment and say thanks! Thanks to SI On Campus, Colin Cowherd, and various forums for mentioning us and giving us some much appreciated exposure. More importantly, thanks to all of you for checking us out. We hope you enjoy the posts and our podcasts.

It is our desire to bring a bit of entertainment to your day. Our intention is not to break down games, or bore you with unending statistics. There are plenty of sites that provide you that knowledge if you really need it. We just want to have a little fun with the game of college football.

That is not to say we won't do our homework or research before we turn keystroke to pixel. Collectively we have been to over 200 campuses nationwide and hail from all parts of the country. We truly want to give you an interesting, witty, unbiased slant to college football.

Please enjoy and if you have any ideas for the podcast or the blog, let us know! Our email is email@thecollegefootballguys.com.

Thanks again for taking the time out of your busy day to read and listen to our musings!

The Big Ten and Beer

Cheese. Cows. Rust. Corn. Cars. Presidential Campaigns. Tires. Smash Mouth Football.

What do all these things have in common? They are the things that come to mind when we think of the Midwest. Oh and one more thing...cold winters and lots of beer.

The no-nonsense, smash mouth mentality of the blue color Midwest (or west if you ask the "Champions of the West") is reflected in its football and the way one wets his whistle. Without further a due here is a helping hand on recognizing the correlation between Big Ten teams and beverage they love so much, beer.

Ohio State - Bud Light. Mass produced, standard bearer which all compare themselves too. Not for the mature pallet. Those outside of region think that the product is watered down.

Michigan - Miller Lite. Claims to be better tasting with less calories and more sophistication (its "L-I-T-E" beer) than its rival, yet still gets beaten up by the standard bearer.

Wisconsin - Heileman's Old Style. An unassuming brew that just wants to run the ball, have a quick game and get back to State Street to party some more.

Michigan State - Coors Light. Dreams of being Michigan and Ohio State. No matter how much money they throw at it, or how many leagues they are the official sponsor of, they still can't get there.

Penn State - Rolling Rock. Hugely popular on the east coast. No one really knows why, nor does anyone outside the Poconos understand the significance of "33" or a "nittany." Pale in color and prefers plain uni's and large fraternity parties.

Iowa - Natural Light. Thinks its as good as the "big boys." This thinking is evident in the way it pays its head coach. Good cheap beer, and with the right keg cap can be pawned off as Bud Light.

Northwestern - Elsinore Beer. One program might want to give their "cat" a beer or two. May produce some victories... Funny movie, funny program. Neither care about football.



Illinois - Miller High Life. The Champaign of Beers. Alright that was a horrible pun, but this is the program that brought the Champagne of QB's into the NFL. Where is Jeff George now? I hear the Raiders still have a need.

Indiana - Guinness. A popular dry stout that gets you through the cold, dark, dirty, basketball season. Oh this is a football article? Who cares! Definitely no one in Bloomington.

Minnesota - An Empty Beer Mug Full of Tears. Why did Lou Holtz leave us! Boho..wah! MOMMY! MAKE HIM COME BACK!!

Purdue - Cask Ale. Much like a Boilermaker any one born after 1900 has NO idea what the heck you are talking about! A brew that requires a trained craftsman as well as much thought and engineering. Making a small comeback to the national scene.

"Ziggie, Zaggie, Ziggie, Zaggie, Oy, Oy, Oy!!!"

Patience SEC fans, yours is coming soon...

Decision '08 (Tenn @ UCLA) Part I

Here we go again! The College Football Guys are moving to unconventional ways to predict who will win this year's marque, non conference match ups! Earlier we looked at the Sept 20th game in Tempe, Georgia vs. ASU. Stay tuned this week as we preview the "battle of the women" that will take place Labor Day Weekend, Sept 1st when Tennessee travels to Pasadena, CA.

Which school do you think has the hottest girls?

Tennessee?

UCLA?

Tennessee?

UCLA?

If you have anything to add you can do so below, or email us at email@thecollegefootballguys.com and we will post it up!

Stay tuned for more this week. Also Buckeye and Trojan fans your match up is coming very soon!

Happy 4th of July!

How can you really tell the difference between Northern guys, Southern folks, and West Coast kids? One true test lies in the way we stuff our face.

Northerner's argue amongst each other about the true way to dress a hot dog. A "Coney" is served "Mustard ONLY." In Chicago you top the frank with relish, tomatoes, mustard, dill pickle and absolutely NO KETCHUP! Who makes the best "Philly" steak? What's the difference between hoagies, grinders, heroes and subs?

Southerner's spend copious amounts of time discussing who makes the best BBQ. Texas, Carolina, Memphis, or Missouri. Wet or Dry. Mustard, Ketchup, or Vinegar based. The debate goes on and on! If you ask them about it make sure you have some time to talk.

West Coast Kids spend their time at the beach, hiking a mountain or just taking in the great nature they have been blessed with. They don't expend as much energy arguing amongst each other. They put whatever they want, on whatever they want, and don't think twice - like fruit on pizza. A west coast kid truly believes the best type of BBQ is a good bonfire on the beach and a straight stick to grill a weenie on.

Have a Happy 4th of July! Make sure you spend more time eating and less time arguing, because all of it is GOOD!

Our Favorite Women and The Big 12

From the land that prides itself with friendly, hard working people, come the most attractive women you have ever seen. Therefore it makes all the sense in the world to compare Big 12 programs with the women we have grown to love over the years. Enjoy!

Baylor - Tina Fey. Conservative dress and nature. Can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Colorado - Kathy Ireland. Had a couple huge years and was every one's Cinderella now is better known for selling furniture and intramural programs.

Iowa State - Jessica Simpson. Popular when matched with the right guy. Thinks a Cardinal is the same as a Cyclone. Another free trivia question: "What does I.O.W.A. stand for?"

Nebraska - Cindy Crawford. At one time the "super" standard by which others followed, however with time became old and outdated as others "passed" on by. Distinctive features that cannot be removed - a mole and Tom Osbourne. Maybe their school became a Coke campus...



Missouri - Victoria Beckham. Produced some nice hits in the past with a couple great teams. Overhauled to look younger. Now that they are married to a hot guy, they have become every one's sexy pick. "So Major!"

Kansas - Paris Hilton. Nobody is quite sure how they got where they are. Convinced they will crash very soon. One you enjoyed the tape, the other you hope you NEVER see...Mangino do NOT spend a night in Paris.

Kansas State - Demi Moore. Behind the scenes and solid for many years. Couple nice blockbusters. Ex husband is still in the mix. Trying to revive career with younger man.

Oklahoma - Pamela Anderson. Big, brash and performance enhanced under Switzer. Spent time with lesser suitors. Got back up with a surprising year, but still can't break back through with a big time win. Embarrassing "incidents" cost them money and respect.

Oklahoma State - Anna Nichole Smith. Married to famous oil billionaire. Famous outbursts, one in reality and one on reality TV. One hopes their future plays out a little differently.

Texas - Jenny McCarthy. America's favorite girl. Well dressed. Larger than life. Many consider them annoying. Made it big when "matched" with the right show/QB. Steady performer. Enjoys yearly shootout with similar looking rival.



Texas Tech - Carmen Electra. Aspires to be Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson. An electric offense capable of exploding at any moment. Has a crazy love of funny looking men - Prince, Dennis Rodman, pirates, and Yosemite Sam.

Texas A&M - Jennifer Aniston. Once one of our Friends now appears desperate for any one's love - John Mayer anyone...

BONUS: Texas A&M - Anna Kournikova. Favorite of all the guys. Focus placed on the pageantry and show over the actual play on the field. At least the Aggies have ONE title.

Idiots Out Wandering Around.

Check back next week for SEC and Big Ten comparisons.

Pac Ten as Fine Wine

When thinking of the Pacific Ten Conference one might compare it to drinking a glass of fine wine; soft and aloof. Daily reminders of "west coast bias" might cause an SEC fan to proclaim, "Would you like some more cheese with that whine?"

The self proclaimed "Conference of Champions," with more NCAA titles than any other conference and schools that reside in cities like Seattle, San Fran, Los Angeles and Phoenix often can be thought of pretentious and ambitious. With this in mind we have a few wine selections that might come in handy when describing the programs of the Pac Ten.

Arizona - Chateu Ste. Michelle Neillie's Garden Dry Rosé. This might be the only rose these fans ever get their hands on. Quick trivia question to stump your friends: What Pac Ten team has never been to a Rose Bowl? "Arizona. May the Lute be with you. Always."

Arizona State - Yellow Tail. Fun to look at, much like Sun Devil women. Young, hip, and mass produced. Easy to buy and consume. Prays every day to be as well liked as its California counterparts.

Cal - Gainey Riesling. Aromatic grape variety, displaying flowery, almost perfumed, aromas. Useful in covering the smell of a tree hugger after 18 months without a bath. Rieslings are rarely "oaked." Perfect. Victory for every Berkeley tree lover!

Stanford - 1787 Chateau Lafite. Old and sophisticated. Requires too much knowledge and money to actually enjoy. However young ex-quarterback is trying desperately to knock the dust off this bottle.

Oregon - Cristal (Champagne). The packaging and marketing of the product has caused it to be wildly overpriced and over hyped. Highly fashionable early pick, yet rarely delivers as portrayed.

Oregon State - Charles Shaw, aka "Two Buck Chuck". Great deal of value in this wine and program. Minimal amounts of money spent yet outperform their foes in head-to-head competition year in and out. Overachievers.

USC - Robert Mondavi. Quality of product brought world wide recognition to their geographical areas. Widely popular and have become the standard bearer in their industry. Though a jealous few may call them overrated.

UCLA - Kendall Jackson. REALLY wants to be like Robert Mondavi. Looking for youth and enthusiasm to provide energy in a program that desires to move from behind the shadows of its cross town rival.

Washington - Bartels and Jaymes. Once a big time player. An easy choice for those looking for a change. Extremely relevant in the 80's and early 90's now largely forgotten.

Washington State - Château cardboard, aka "Boxed Wine", cheap, convenient, can be found easily at the local general store. Would have went with "Two Buck Chuck" here, but know there is not a Trader Joe's within 120 miles of Pullman. Plus it is obvious from this video that Cougar women don't need anything very sophisticated. PLEASE go to 1:42 on this video. You won't be disappointed!

SEC/USC fans you might want to start at 1:27.



Stay tuned to this blog as we reveal more comparisons. How do SEC schools stack up to your favorite liquor? What beer best represents your Big Ten school? Which woman is your Big 12 school most like?

Who Needs Web Cams?

With all the talk this year of coaches using web cam technology to gain an edge on other programs in recruiting, this college football guy says who needs expensive, new "fan'gled" technology when cheap art students will work.

The University of Oregon has been making comic books for potential recruits since 2005. We have to say this is pretty genius. Unfortunately there is nothing in this super hero story about overcoming a toe injury and losing your starting QB to a torn ACL while ranked #2 in the country. You can't predict everything. SNOOP! SNOOP! SNOOP!

Yeah Saban! An elephant would make an excellent Robin to your Batman.

Sorry Louisville, Duke Sucks!

Well it is official. Duke Sucks!

Many people have felt this way for years, including more than half the state of North Carolina and any fans of basketball programs that have lost to the juggernaut that is Duke. However now these folks are in good company. A judge last week agreed with Duke's lawyers that they do suck and thus allowed the Blue Devils to back out on a three game series they had scheduled with Louisville. The judge ruled that any replacement would do and therefore the Duke is not liable for the $450,000 that Louisville was trying to extract for the cancellation.



It is this college football guy's opinion that Louisville already knew this and would rather have had them on the schedule than mighty App. State.