Head Coach Found!

It appears that The College Football Guys have found a coach for the 2008 Pre-Season All-Jackass Team! Coach Urban Myer reinstated DE Ronnie Wilson who was suspended from the team after an April 2007 incident involving an AK-47. So much for having young men with excellent character. This college football guy might have to take back all those nice things I have said about Gatorville.

The 911 recording is great! It is like listening to the last words of a man being chased by a 6'-4" 315 lb man shooting an AK in the air. Wait that is exactly what it is!

Good news for Florida fans. This is just another indication that Florida is on its way to another national championship. In the early 80's, when Oklahoma was winning title after title with Barry Switzer, there was all sorts of excitement going on off the field. One such incident involved WR Buster Rhymes "busting out" his Uzi and firing it in the air to break up a snow ball fight! Oh that Brian Bozworth tells the BEST stories. Have his Stone Cold royalty checks run out? Maybe he should collaborate with Canseco to break open steroids in the NFL and NCAA?

One thing is for sure "The Chosen One" has his work cut out for him saving the lost soles on his own team.

Decision '08 (Florida @ FSU)

We here at The College Football Guys.com continue in our quest to find out who is going to win this year's most interesting non conference games based solely on the attractiveness of the women on campus. Today we will take a look at the November 29th Florida vs. Florida State match up in Tallahassee, FL.

We thought we would make this task a little more challenging and limit our pictures to 1.) PG and 2.) No Jenn Sterger or Erin Andrews allowed. While we thought that would be a challenge, it really wasn't. What was I thinking by choosing to go to school in the rainy northwest!?

Vote now on which school has the best looking women. Only your vote can help decide this year's winner.

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?

Florida State?

Florida?


Need more Florida girls?

Watch Your Step!

Something is in the water in LA these days. Freak injuries are happening everywhere.

USC QB Mark Sanchez went down in Friday's practice with a dislocated knee. Sanchez injured his knee while jumping and tossing a warm-up pass. It is reported that he will be returning before the season opener.

Across town UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel took another hit as his QB also hit the dirt in Saturday's practice. UCLA's Ben Olsen hurt himself for the SECOND time in five months and about the millionth time in what seems like year 10 of his tenure at UCLA. Ben broke his foot while backing away from center, the EXACT same way he broke it in spring drills. He will be out for at least 2 months! Hey Norm Chow, it might be time to put the shot gun in.

This leaves the Bruins with Kevin Craft, a junior college transfer, and redshirt freshman Chris Forcier to compete for the starting job. About the same position that Rick left the Baltimore Ravens in for 2008. If neither of these kids work they might have to see if Rick can petition the NCAA for a 6th year of eligibility. Don't beat on that getting approved.

This event, coupled with the soup opera that is Rich Rodriguez at Michigan, leads us to ask, "Which new coach has had the worst beginning?" - Slick Rick or Rich Rod?

DUI Attorney or Stadium Answers

Everyone was a good sport last week trying to guess which names were a DUI attorney or a NCAA football stadium. For those of you that listened to our podcast you already know the answers, but for those that slacked here they are.

Carter Finley - NC State's Stadium
Dunham Rogers - DUI attorney in Austin, TX
Sean Sullivan - DUI attorney in Las Vegas. Might want to keep that one for future reference.
Dowdy Ficklen - Home of the East Carolina Univ. Pirates.
Joan Edwards - Thundering Herd of Marshall Univ.'s home.
William Kibbie - The Idaho Vandals protect this house!
Casey Mulligan - DUI attorney in Boulder, CO. How about a Mulligan?
John Scheumann - Stadium for Ball State.
J. Layne Smith - Tallahassee DUI attorney. I am sure he is on Seminole speed dial.
Jason Dunkle - State College, PA DUI attorney. He has stayed plenty busy this year.
Kelly Shorts - Chippewas of Central Michigan's home.
Clarence Martin - Cougar's home on the Palouse of Washington State.
John Lloyd - Tuscaloosa, AL DUI attorney.
Wallace Wade - Always sold out home of the Duke Blue Devils. Also the home of the 1942 Rose Bowl.

Baked Coaches?

Pineapple Express hit the big screen yesterday and the wheels started turning in the minds of The College Football Guys thinking about what coaches out there might be coaching "under the influence." The coaches below show a few of the tell tale effects Maryjane has on a body.


June Jones, SMU. Talks at a single octave and at about 2 words/minute. Drug Effects - Clouded judgement, swore up and down that Colt was not a system QB and that Hawaii had a chance against Georgia. Road the "Pineapple Express" all the way to Dallas.











Ty Willingham Washington His monotone voice and serious demeanour might be mistaken for being stoned out of your mind. Drug Effects - He is EXTREMELY paranoid about reporters as he requires closed practices with high security. When listening to his press conferences you are not sure whether to laugh of be scared.


Jim Tressel, Ohio State. His Value Village style sweeter vests remind us of Donald Sutherland's character, Prof. Dave Jennings in Animal House. Drug Effects - Looks especially dazed when facing an SEC team (WILL THAT JOKE EVER END?)








Dave Wannstedt, Pitt. Drug Effects - His constant bed head and sloppy dress make it look like he is recovering from a three day binge.











Jeff Tedford, California. Obvious choice since daily he gets a contact high from the hippies outside his office. Drug Effect - players seem to lack the motivation to get to the next level.




Dan Hawkins, Colorado. Another case of suspected contact high in Boulder. Drug Effects - Can't wait to RV through the state and "meet" with fans. "Say, brotha, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did!"







Jim Leavitt, USF. Closest college football has to its own Spicoli. Drug Effects - Hallucination causing the coach to think he is actually playing in the game, preparing by running wind sprints in pregame.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."










Ralph Friedgen, Maryland and Mark Mangino, Kansas. What stoner/coach bit would be complete without including any mention of the munchies. Drug Effect - It is obvious these coaches have had the munchies once or twice in there lives.

"Bezerkley Express"

The guys who brought you Superbad are at it again! After a mere two second absence from the big screen, Seth Rogen is back as Pineapple Express hits theaters today! What promises to be an entertaining and funny movie includes the largest budget ever for a "stoner" flick.

Big money spent on stoners reminded us of a couple other organizations that "enjoy" spending big money on potheads - the City of Berkeley, CA and the University of California. What is going on in the half baked, city by the bay?

Here is the quick and dirty bong water on the situation.

* Three hippies are left in the trees and have been there since December 2006. (Wouldn't it have been something to see that kind of commitment out of the Cal football team last year?)

* Judge Barbara Miller issued a preliminary injunction on Jan. 29, 2007, which temporarily stopped the construction of a university planned athletic training facility. Two weeks ago she issued a ruling that allows the project to go forward stating the university has addressed her main concerns about the project.

* The ruling has been appealed by two plaintiff groups keeping the injunction in place until the 13th of August.

* However the injunction could be removed as early as next week and if the state Court of Appeal doesn't grant a stay. Once removed the university is clear to begin construction.

* The university has asked for more city support to control tree protest supporters.

Below is an "informative" report from the Fan Media Network. Poor, poor football players and their extra half a mile walk to the stadium. It is obvious they don't know the meaning of 212 degrees like their UC "bear cubs" in LA.

Bottom line, this whole thing could get VERY interesting next week. My advise to the protesters, get really baked on the good ganja this week as it appears the jig is up.

When the haze settles, be careful out there. Running Wolf and his posse of regulators might be headed to your college town to stop the construction of your new multi-million dollar athletic facility. I can hear the battle cry now!

Regulators. We regulate any cuttin' of these here trees, we're DAMN good too. But you can't be any hippie off the street. You've gotta be handy with the tow lines and the pee bottles if you know what I mean, earn your keep. Regulators Mount Up!

I just hope they all at least get a cameo in Seth's sequel "Pineapple Express Tokes Again."

Polka time EVERYONE!

We here at The College Football Guys have long established the fact that Nebraska fans are just a little crazy. Today we found more proof.

We discovered a polka song written by a Nebraska fan saluting head coach Bo Pelini. This will probably serve as the new entrance song for the mighty "Huskers" this season.

We know you want to hear it...click here and press play on the first posted song.

If you want to hear something really disturbing just press play on the "Nebraska Nation" song located on the same page. SCARY!!

After all "N" is for Nebraska Nation!

The Cover Don't Lie!

We here at The College Football Guys were REALLY trying to avoid the whole Brett Favre fiasco, however it has become increasingly difficult to do so.

Should the Pack keep him? Trade him? Make him go away!?

What a circus this has all become! Welcoming party at the airport like he is the second coming of The Beatles! Maybe John McCain should pay Brett $20 million to go on the road and help "market" his struggling presidential campaign?

In all of this hubbub it seems that GM Ted Thompson is missing an obvious clue to determine what this season will bring. A devise more accurate than the Magic 8 ball he has been using to make all his decisions in this process. ("Will Brett Favre be a Packer?" the 8 ball told me "Outlook not so good".)

"What is this famous prognosticating devise you speak of?" Why the Madden '09 cover of course!

In April the fellas at EA Sports thought it would be cute to break the "Madden Curse" by placing a "retired" player on the cover. Little good that has done! Maybe the true reason Favre is coming back is to take on the greatest challenge of all - breaking "The Curse."

Mr. Thompson, the decision is clear. Trade Favre before August 12th, Madden's release date. Before everyone is reminded about the hex hanging over Favre's head this year. What a great opportunity to put a hex on to your division rivals!

DUI Attorney or NCAA Stadium?

The two most recent DUI arrests of Kentucky QB Curtis Pulley and Arkansas WR Marques Wade are just a couple of the MANY DUI issues that have continued to plague the college football landscape. This has given us yet another opportunity to have a little fun and promote our podcast in the process.

Once one has been arrested for a DUI it becomes extremely important to find adequate representation and find it fast. There are SO many DUI attorney's out there and SO many of their names remind us of college football stadiums. In order to help these young men out and to test your knowledge of Division I-A/FBS college football stadiums, we have produced the following list.

Which of these names represents a DUI attorney or a college football stadium? Good Luck!

Carter Finley
Dunham Rogers
Sean Sullivan
Dowdy Ficklen
Joan Edwards
William Kibbie
Casey Mulligan
John Scheumann
J. Layne Smith
Jason Dunkle
Kelly Shorts
Clarence Martin
John Lloyd
Wallace Wade

The answers can be found in the latest edition of our podcast. Click here and push play!

Up in Pictures

Dave Heeke knows a couple things about marketing and billboards. When he was at the University of Oregon he helped get a 10 story poster of future Detroit Lion's great Joey Harrington in Times square. (A billboard that spurred Washington State to paste a banner on the side of a grain elevator, in Dusty, WA, for Jason Gesser's "Heisman campaign.")

As the current athletic director at Central Michigan, Heeke has done it again. This time it is the Chippewa's star QB Dan LeFevour at Comerica Park in downtown Detroit.

It seems to this college football guy Heeke is just taking advantage of an opportunity. He has a Heisman candidate at QB. A team with that runs an entertaining offense. A city that is hurting financially needs entertainment on a budget more than any place else. $20 a game to see an entertaining offense is a steal. What else are you going to do? Watch the Detroit Lions? Over pay to see the Michigan Wolverines and the Rich Rod soup opera?

This should be a good year for the Central Michigan athletic department.

Besides everyone knows "Champions Come Standard at CMU!"